Our first Cold and a Visitor

First off, here's the only picture of Mommy, Daddy, and Baby so far... Aiden is a little "milk drunk" in this picture...I'm sure you can't tell!

and a picture of Aiden "singing" to his Auntie Audra who helped him get all better these last couple days.


OK, so Aiden and I got sick. Yup, both of us with some nasty boogerish crappy feverish junk of a cold that I'm SURE we contracted while at the pediatrician's office last Wednesday. I started feeling cruddy on Saturday, and in hindsight, Aiden probably was feeling poopy too cuz he was a little "off." The snow storm kept us in, thankfully and we rested most of the day. Saturday night (LATE!) I went to the airport to pick up my big sister Audra who turned out to be a blessing in so many ways when she was here...primarily with Aiden and his cold...she used to be a pediatric intensive care nurse. Sunday was a rough day with Aiden, he was awake more than normal, crabby, and being a not so good eater. In the afternoon we discovered he had a low grade fever, but we were having trouble keeping track of it cuz the thermometer was CRAP! So we gave him some tylenol and he seemed to do better. Sunday night I slept downstairs with him on the recliner so he wouldn't disrupt everyone else and he slept pretty well and ate relatively well, but refused to eat when he woke up at 5am and fell back to sleep after 20 minutes or so of straight up weirdness. Monday was NOT a good day for me OR Aiden. I felt the cruddiest, and so did he, his fever was up, his soft spot was a little sunken, and he REFUSED to nurse. This was hard for me, running on so little sleep, I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't nurse. But he would take the bottle. Audra assured me it was because he was congested and not feeling well and it was easier for him on the bottle. So I pumped (after getting very upset that he wouldn't nurse) and we started giving him bottles, which he took much better. I had to remind myself that he's been nursing very well for a month, so he should go back to it.

Aiden was awake almost the entire day. He wouldn't stay asleep and when he was asleep he was sleeping really lightly and fitfully. He was crabby and completely not himself. We thought we were on top of his fever and discomfort with infant tylenol, but the thermometer sucked and B had to go get a new one because it kept giving random readouts...on all of us! Finally we figured out that even with the tylenol, in the evening he was still showing a low grade fever (99.2 and we were worried (including my extremely level headed sister). His respiration rate was also on the cusp of "time to go to urgent care" for a little while. So we gave him a light sponge bath (another recommendation from lifesaver sister Audra)to help the heat evaporate off of him. Which worked a bit, but we had to strip him down and keep him in just his diaper all night to get his fever down and keep it down. The sponge bath after we stripped him seemed to do the most good. He settled down quite a bit, ate, and finally fell asleep and STAYED asleep at 10pm.

At this point he was due for his tylenol (at the latest) by 12am...but at 12am, he wasn't showing a fever, and his soft spot felt perfect...so I let him sleep. We checked him again at 2am, he wouldn't wake up, too tired, but everything was still fine. Two hours outside of his tylenol, he didn't have any fever, and his softspot was still good. So he slept...he finally woke up at 5am this morning. My poor little 5 week old was so sick and worn out from his wide awake sicky day that he slept a full 7 hours...solid. We didn't even wake him to change his diaper (I had put an additional insert in it to make sure it wouldn't leak). when he woke up he had another bottle, 5.5 oz...the most he's ever taken. Audra heard us up with him and we checked his temp, it was normal, and Audra concurred that his softspot was so much better than yesterday, his respiration was back to normal, and that we shouldn't give him the tylenol unless the fever came back. When you are sleep deprived, sick, and a new parent...it feels better to have someone who KNOWS these things to confirm what you think is the right thing.

He went back to sleep immediately after his bottle and slept another 4 hours...then woke up and had another bottle, stayed awake about 30 minutes, and fell asleep again...for 3 hours! This is the first day in about 2 weeks that he's slept this much. He definitely slept more than usual the rest of the day. But he didn't run a fever at all today and was a very happy baby. He looked better, the rash on his face (which I think was there because of the fever) started to clear up some, and he actually started nursing again. All this while I've been pumping, not sleeping, trying to visit with my sister, and worrying myself sick over my sick baby.

Aiden loves his Auntie Audra!

So Aiden is feeling better, but I think I'm still running a fever and I'm about the same as I was yesterday. Hopefully tonight my little champ will sleep well so I can sleep well.

Audra went home today. I'm so grateful she was here, Baris and I didn't know what to do when his fever was staying up despite the Tylenol. And I'm pretty sure I was going to fall over dead over his troubled nursing. (I think he was having the same weird back of nose/throat pain I was and holding the suction was hurting him on top of the congestion). I'm glad she was here to help us do the right things. I don't think it was a coincidence...There is definitely a reason Aiden's first cold happened while she was here to help us. Although I'm sad that we weren't well enough to do anything other than sit around and talk.

Talking was good though. It's been too many years since Audra and I have seen eachother and it was healing to talk to her. The last time we saw eachother was just a couple months after her son (my nephew), Sam, passed away 7 years ago. It was so good for us to talk about our father (we are half sisters), about Sam's life and death and the time that followed that, about life and healing, forgiveness, growth, and God. Audra is 13 years older than I am, the closest of my 4 siblings to my age, and did not grow up under the same circumstances I did...but it's amazing how much we are alike in personality. That's a point for nature, I think. Even though our circumstances were similar, it's amazing how we both think alike and in so many ways act alike. In the past year or two my relationships with my sisters and mom have changed so drastically, I'm glad Audra is a part of my life again.

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SO! Tonight Aiden was feeling and looking better....and he got into the eggnogg...



Merry Christmas from Aiden who is "SOOO BIG!"

One Month (um...and 2 days)

Sorry I didn't post on Wednesday, shame on me!

Aiden is officially one month old. The time just flies. We so enjoy having him home. His appointment went well. My little cookie face is 10lbs and 5.5oz! That's like a 30% weight gain in only a month...if I did that...well, we won't talk about how much that would be... :-) But if someone weighed 150 pounds, a 40% weight gain in a month...well that's 60lbs! So 3 pounds seems like a lot more when you look at it that way now doesn't it! I can't believe some people give birth to babies this size. Holy crap. He's also 22inches long now. He's growing so fast.

We made our switch to cloth diapers! I LOVE THEM! They are soft and absorbent and the weird diaper rash Aiden had is already going away. Perfection. No more gel packs and chemicals on his butt. Holy cow this is going to save us a fortune...I bought two packs of newborn diapers...they were $40!!! And that's really only enough to last about 2 weeks or so! pfft!

I'm totally floored that I gave birth a month ago. Still. I think I'm still processing. I think about it everyday and smile. I remember saying "who's damn hero am I trying to be?!" But now I know. I'm Aiden's hero in a big huge way, and I'm B's hero...he brags to everyone that I gave birth with no meds! In fact, he brags more than I do! The birth was very healing for me. I so want to be a great mom for my kids, but I feel like I've failed at so many goals (admittedly through self sabotage) most of my life. This was the ultimate redemption, I wasn't going to fail at birthing him so help me. And I didn't, I feel like that moment began my healing. I'm forgiving myself and accepting that we all make mistakes. I'm even ready to start classes again. The last year has finally shown me what I want to do with my life and I found a degree program that will fit nicely into that. I have the confidence to climb mountains right now. Breastfeeding makes me feel like super woman. When Aiden is hungry, I can fix that, just like when he was in my tummy. And I packed 3 pounds on this little body in a month! That's just RIGHTEOUS! Even on nights or early mornings when Aiden is not an angel (we had one last night) and I need to step away and take a breath...I know I"m doing everything right by him right now. It's so wonderful. I explained to a friend of mine that I have never had a role model to teach me to be a mother...it just comes to me...this is natural. My biggest (and bestest) sister told me "you're so good with him, it's so neat to watch." It meant so much to me, it was the first compliment I got after his birth (a certain other family member kept sticking their foot in their mouth) and coming from her it meant even more.

My sisters both said when I was LITTLE and they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said "I want to be a mommy." So when I tell people that I've wanted to be a mommy MY WHOLE LIFE...it's true. Aiden is the fulfillment of my lifelong dream. This is what I was meant to do. :-)

4 weeks old!

Wow! Time flies! Aiden has his one month pediatrician visit on Wednesday, I'll have stats then.

Aiden really seems to be "waking up" these last couple of days. He watches our faces, and tries to get our attention. Sometimes he just lays around flinging his arms around and chillin'. He loves to look at the light/ceiling fan and it's hard to distract him from it, he's just mesmerized. He even gets excited and opens his mouth real wide as if he's saying "OH YEAH!" He's been practicing his smiles, but he's not doing it socially just yet, we're waiting patiently. He's discovering his voice, so he grunts, coos, and gurgles at us a lot more now. I grunt coo, and gurgle back at him so he knows he's doing it right! Just in the last two days I'm noticing a difference in his day time patterns. He's awake more, alert and happy during the day and takes shorter little naps in between now. The down side is that today he started his "awakeness" at 4:30 in the morning...I just laid him next to me and went back to sleep, he was happy! LOL!

He's still nursing really well (whoot, 4 weeks!) but he's super passionate about "MOMMY I'M FULL" at night when he's a bit crabby. He sqwaks at me and flails around...but won't let go. I don't think he knows how! HAHAHA! AT first I thought he was having gas problems, but I don't think so now, he's just insistent and confused when he's sleepy at the end of the day. He just loves to be rocked to sleep. USUALLY around 9 or 10 at night is when he wants me to rock him to sleep "for the night." We were out the other night at his "bed time" and he didn't know what to do with himself. He was very upset and I had to pull over and rock him to sleep so I could keep driving home. I thought he was hungry, but no, just needing his night night snuggles!

I'm getting a deep satisfaction out of how he obviously knows the difference between me and other people now. When he wants me...he wants me. That's just it, no bones about it! Most of the time he'll snuggle and sleep on/with anyone, but sometimes he just wants mommy snuggles. Makes me feel special.

He's starting to outgrow his newborn clothes, not all of them, but some of them. Unfortunately, most of the 0-3 month clothes are still way too big on him. We're in a weird size bracket right now. I still can't believe how fast he's growing! He's got these awesome chunky thighs (that coincidentally are still not chunky enough for a good fit in his fuzzybunz diapers just yet) and a cute round belly. I love to kiss on it and give him raspberries...he seems to like this game too!

Two nights ago, I swear I think he slept a solid 5 hours...it's hard to remember, I don't keep track of times for anything with him. I was so impressed! That's a bit unusual for a young breastfed baby, but I guess he had a good full belly!

One of our humidifiers died. We're totally mad about it. This house is so dry. My poor throat and nose can't deal. I have to put saline drops in Aiden's nose once a day to keep him moist so his nose doesn't get all stuffy from the dry air. He hates it, totally breaks my heart when he gets mad! Poor little man!

I'll at least post on Wednesday with his stats. I feel a little sentimental, so I might post a bit later today or tomorrow to about my experience so far as a mom. :-)

A Belated Friday Five

Day late, sorry!

I'll make it a Saturday Six as punishment for my tardiness... ;-)

Today I'm thankful...

1. because we figured out why sleeping in our bed is like sleeping in a bowl and we fixed it...mostly.

2. for chiropractors...'nuff said.

3. that some recent bad news about B's MBA program being delayed at least until 2010 (probably until 2011) is probably going to turn out to be REALLY good news for me and my family bye next summer. :-)

4. for awesome net pen pals like Liz and Cherie, cuz they make me feel human.

5. because my big sister is the coolest person on the planet. I'm so lucky to have her.

6. that my son is healthy and strong and I'm able to contribute to that several times daily! ;-)

Some Cute Pictures

Aiden is 3 weeks old! What a champ! Here are some pictures for those of you who are just STARVED for them!

He was waiting on me to put on a new diaper...no, I didn't get peed on this time!


Aiden & Emily


No cameras!


He makes this face a lot when he burps...


Bright eyed & bushy tailed!


We do love napping


I bet this makes you wanna kiss his little cheeks...I get to do it everyday! HA!

Friday Five

Ok, missed some Fridays...

1. By far on the top of my list right now: I'm SOOO thankful that breastfeeding has come to Aiden and Me so naturally!
2. I'm grateful for my husband who is so open to learning about his son.
3. I'm endlessly thankful for the amazing women I am surrounded by in person and on the web. It's wonderful to have their support, wisdom, and friendship. They make me feel like a warrior mamma!
4. I'm grateful for my amazing birth, and that I found the strength within myself to give my son the very best start to his life that I knew how. Within that, I'm so lucky to have had such an AWESOME freakin' doula!
5. I'm amazed AND thankful that my son is healthy and strong. he's growing like a weed and I just can't keep up. :-D

2 Weeks Old!

I can't believe Aiden is more than two weeks old now. He's growing so fast, getting chunky and long! He's still doing well at night and nursing like a champ. His daddy got to give him a bottle for the first time this morning (pumped milk OF COURSE!) and that was really cool. Here are some pictures from the last week. The last of family left yesterday, missing her already! Just the three of us now, and daddy is back to work, so it's just Aiden and me all day! I get him all to myself now!

With Auntie Krissy


Trying to grab some baby Zs...


Little baby hammer toes!


Aiden's first bath in HIS tub!


Grandma, Mommy, Auntie Krissy, and Auntie Karen with Aiden!


Auntie Karen with sleepy Aiden


Does NOT want to wake up from nappies...even for milkies!


I caught his "Cookie Face" smile on camera!!


Hercules baby!


That's all for now!