Aiden is officially one month old. The time just flies. We so enjoy having him home. His appointment went well. My little cookie face is 10lbs and 5.5oz! That's like a 30% weight gain in only a month...if I did that...well, we won't talk about how much that would be... :-) But if someone weighed 150 pounds, a 40% weight gain in a month...well that's 60lbs! So 3 pounds seems like a lot more when you look at it that way now doesn't it! I can't believe some people give birth to babies this size. Holy crap. He's also 22inches long now. He's growing so fast.
We made our switch to cloth diapers! I LOVE THEM! They are soft and absorbent and the weird diaper rash Aiden had is already going away. Perfection. No more gel packs and chemicals on his butt. Holy cow this is going to save us a fortune...I bought two packs of newborn diapers...they were $40!!! And that's really only enough to last about 2 weeks or so! pfft!
I'm totally floored that I gave birth a month ago. Still. I think I'm still processing. I think about it everyday and smile. I remember saying "who's damn hero am I trying to be?!" But now I know. I'm Aiden's hero in a big huge way, and I'm B's hero...he brags to everyone that I gave birth with no meds! In fact, he brags more than I do! The birth was very healing for me. I so want to be a great mom for my kids, but I feel like I've failed at so many goals (admittedly through self sabotage) most of my life. This was the ultimate redemption, I wasn't going to fail at birthing him so help me. And I didn't, I feel like that moment began my healing. I'm forgiving myself and accepting that we all make mistakes. I'm even ready to start classes again. The last year has finally shown me what I want to do with my life and I found a degree program that will fit nicely into that. I have the confidence to climb mountains right now. Breastfeeding makes me feel like super woman. When Aiden is hungry, I can fix that, just like when he was in my tummy. And I packed 3 pounds on this little body in a month! That's just RIGHTEOUS! Even on nights or early mornings when Aiden is not an angel (we had one last night) and I need to step away and take a breath...I know I"m doing everything right by him right now. It's so wonderful. I explained to a friend of mine that I have never had a role model to teach me to be a mother...it just comes to me...this is natural. My biggest (and bestest) sister told me "you're so good with him, it's so neat to watch." It meant so much to me, it was the first compliment I got after his birth (a certain other family member kept sticking their foot in their mouth) and coming from her it meant even more.
My sisters both said when I was LITTLE and they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said "I want to be a mommy." So when I tell people that I've wanted to be a mommy MY WHOLE LIFE...it's true. Aiden is the fulfillment of my lifelong dream. This is what I was meant to do. :-)
2 comments:
Beautiful, Megz! :)
Aiden is growing up so fast. What a big boy! YOU made that! @_@
I love your "whose hero am I trying to be?" moment of clarity. You are Aiden's hero. You are B's hero. You're your own hero. Heck, you're my hero! Every woman who makes the decision to take control of her body and her baby also takes hold of her own destiny and become someone's hero in the process. Look at what you made! Look at what you did! Look at all you can do now! Isn't it wonderful?
I always tell my doula clients that the only thing in life more painful than giving birth is raising the child. Conquer childbirth and you can conquer anything! "I am mother, hear me roar!" :)
p.s. word verification = "vinter" (or should I say, "vord ferification"? Ja, iss fery colt outsite een vinter.)
Awww Meg! Happy one month birthday! I'm glad you're doing so well and enjoying Aiden - they grow so fast. What a cutie!
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