Today was Aiden's "one week" appointment with the pediatrician. Now, we've been in a couple of times for his jaundice and weight checks and this is how he's been doing:
At birth he was 7lbs 7oz, 19.75inches long with a head circumference of 14
Last Thursday he was 7lbs 2.5oz
Monday he was back to 7lbs 7oz (whoot!)
Today, he is up to 7lbs 12 oz, he's now 20.75in long, and his head circumference is now 14.5!!!
Aiden is exclusively breastfed...what a bruiser! HAHAHA!
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'm so thankful for my husband and my beautiful son!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Pictures of our First Week!
Aiden is one whole week old tomorrow! We can't stop staring at him, and that's why we have been so slow to get pictures up...there isn't time when you sit around staring at your perfect baby all day! So here are some pictures of our little man! You can see how yellow he is from the jaundice in these pics, it's getting better now though!
One Proud Daddy!
One tired mommy! I think this was prior to the meltdown caused by the complete lack of sleep that I was getting because there were CONSTANTLY hospital staff in my room. I went off the deep end. But then I was better. LOL
Screw the snuggle nest, mommy is much more comfy!
I am small. I will sleep wherever and however I please.
My napping boys
Eyes open!
and his famous worried frowny face, being a newborn is serious business
Cuteness to the max!
Sleeping is VERY serious business...
He's cute in his little outfit!
One Proud Daddy!
One tired mommy! I think this was prior to the meltdown caused by the complete lack of sleep that I was getting because there were CONSTANTLY hospital staff in my room. I went off the deep end. But then I was better. LOL
Screw the snuggle nest, mommy is much more comfy!
I am small. I will sleep wherever and however I please.
My napping boys
Eyes open!
and his famous worried frowny face, being a newborn is serious business
Cuteness to the max!
Sleeping is VERY serious business...
He's cute in his little outfit!
Aiden's Wild Ride
This is Aiden's birth story, I hesitated posting it because not all my friends and family are interested in this kind of stuff, but it ain't about you! LOL I'm proud of what I did to get my little man here so I'm sharing.
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Aiden Baris was born November 17th at 6:32pm. In the water like I hoped, and I think it went just the way I wanted it to. He was 7lbs 7oz and 19 3/4in long.
Monday morning I woke up around 4am feeling some contractions moving through my body. I thought these were probably just some bothersome Braxton hicks and didn’t get my hopes up, tried to get back to sleep. But when I couldn’t I decided to get up and do something for a bit to see if they would stop. I piddled around on the computer for a bit, sitting on my birth ball, and trying to ignore the contractions. I started timing a few just to see, and they were pretty consistently 4-5 minutes apart and about 45 seconds long. Around 4:45 Baris’s alarm clock went off and I thought I had better tell him we could be having a baby today, but I wasn’t sure. It was weird to tell him that, since I still wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to get his hopes up. We got up and had some pancakes for breakfast around 5 or 5:15. I tried to sit at the table but that was no good, so I stood and ate my breakfast (most of it) and we went up stairs. The contractions were stronger but not unbearable so I thought I had better try to get a little sleep since I had only had 4 hours the night before. I laid down in bed with Baris while he watched the news. I texted my doula a little before 6am to let her know I thought today might be the day, and that I would call her in a bit and fill her in. She let me know she was ready.
I think I had Baris start timing the contractions again when I realized I wasn’t able to sleep, probably around 7 or so. At this point the contractions were pretty consistently 3 mins apart and always a minute long, with the exception of the little piggy back ones I was having when I got up to pee. And I had to pee a lot, so we had a bunch of those!
I think we called Mary around 8 or so. Baris was nervous about my contraction pattern (he’s a bit of a nervous nelly) and I had started vocalizing at the peaks of the contractions, so we thought we should give her a buzz. I tried like hell to walk through some of the contractions, but couldn’t so I would stop and kneel somewhere, and go about my business. At one point I face planted into a plate of toast crumbs and honey…which provided us with some entertainment and some good laughs. Aiden moved a lot between contractions, which was reassuring, but I really wanted him to cut it out cuz it was uncomfortable and I wanted to chill between contractions.
I haven’t the foggiest idea when Mary arrived, I think around 9 or so. Baris was intermittently working with me through contractions and taking things to the car since my contractions were holding steady at 2 to 3 minutes apart and a minute long, he wanted to be ready. When she got there I was really working through contractions. Of course the first thing she wanted to know was how long I had been in my current position (kneeling in my rocking chair draped over the back), but I had just gotten there so she gave me permission to stay.
Funny thing is that after being in that contraction pattern for all that time, when Mary arrived, my body must have decided it was time for social hour, because they spaced out for a bit. We all went down to the living room and I had Baris make me some more toast so I could snack a bit to keep up my energy. We chit chatted for a while, and Mary teased me about how no matter where I was or what I was doing when I had contractions, I always moved into some kind of hands and knees position. I wasn’t having back labor, it was just more comfortable for me.
Mary left for just a bit to put gas in her car since things slowed down. I got up to pee a little after she left and I started up again with the contractions. My doula brain told me I should hang out on the toilet for a little while since the contractions were much stronger when I was there. But I wasn’t feeling the “everyone can see me naked” deal yet, so I sat there with my pants on! I think I was on the toilet for 20 or 30 minutes when Mary “suggested” I move to the birth ball for something new. I sort of putzed around with the ball for a while, trying to find somewhere good to put it where I could lean against something. I put it in front of my table and we all hung out there for a while. Baris kept timing contractions (made him feel better I think, and gave him something concrete to do) and rubbing my shoulders with Mary in between contractions. I think this helped the most while we were at home because I kept unconsciously drawing my shoulders up, and having hands there reminded me to drop them down and chill. I remember commenting to Mary at some point how weird it was that I felt like two totally different people. I was totally focused and serious during contractions, but joking and telling stories in between…though it did take me an awful long time to tell my funny stories!
We started talking about heading to the hospital around noon, I was REALLY working through my contractions, and they were steady and strong at 2 to 3 minutes apart and a minute long. B called the midwives to give them the heads up (and so they could call the hospital for us) and they asked a bunch of silly questions which I refused to answer with any clarity through my husband. :lol I had Baris take my birth ball to the car in case I wanted it at the hospital and they didn’t have one, and we all headed off to the hospital. I fully expected my contractions to space out during the transition, but they didn’t, and I kept contracting and humming along in the van (thank goodness for stow’n’go, by the way, I was able to be on all fours in the back and have room to wiggle around). We pulled up to the ER entrance and Baris went inside to find out how we were supposed to go about all this. Which triggered them coming out with a wheel chair. But as the door opened on the van I remember thinking “good timing!” cuz I had just finished a contraction. I looked at the ER tech guy like he was out of his mind if he thought I was sitting in that chair, and we headed in. Not sure why he felt the need to support my arm the whole way, I remember it irritated the crap out of me. I waited there at the ER entrance for Baris and for the L&D people to come and save me from this moron ER tech. He actually looked at me and said (this is a direct quote) “You’re just having contractions, you’re not in labor right?” He almost lost his testicles. I was good about laboring quietly with the audience, but things were definitely not slowing down the way I thought they would.
Getting up to L&D took a while because I refused to ride in a wheel chair (which I sensed irritated the ER guy extensively) but I told them, “I’m in labor, I’m not broken.” I probably had 6 or so contractions on the way…and I found the halls painfully barren of things to lean over! Finally we were in L&D (really a nice area) and I saw Mary way at the end of the hall and thought, THANK GOODNESS! But She did seem awfully far away. I did just make it into the room before another contraction hit. Apparently we arrived at 1:15pm.
I decided to get into one of their gowns simply because I didn’t want to fuss with the IV they were placing for the antibiotics. They checked me and I was 3cm, 80%, and baby was -2. All this thoroughly pissed me off. They were graciously quick with getting the antibiotics up, but the baseline strip on the baby felt like it took forever because I didn’t want to sit still, so the baby kept coming off the monitor. In the interest of getting a good strip quickly I laid on my side in the bed so we could get this show on the road. They placed the IV and I remember thinking how bad my arm was burning. So during contractions I was moaning and carrying on through the contraction (I was having a hard time finding a rhythm that worked for me now, so getting on top of them was a real challenge) and in between contractions I couldn’t rest because I was consumed by the burning arm sensation!!! Baris fell into his niche and became my water boy. The whole time I was in labor I kept remembering to drink water (that doula brain again) and Baris was awesome about making sure I didn’t have to wait. At some point there seemed to be 600 people in my room, all chatting, asking questions, and pestering me. Luckily Mary picked up on me getting WAY over-stimulated and got me focused. Baris sent the chit chatters away and asked everyone to be quiet, and I was able to get settled again. Thank goodness for Mary and her awesome doula tricks, that was rough, I was waving my hands at them and I think at one point I told them there were way too many F---ing people in the room. I don’t know if there were really so many people or if it was really so noisy, but it seemed that way to me. Not to mention the sound of the monitor was really irritating the crap out of me.
I don’t know how long I was on the monitor, but it took longer than I had hoped. Aiden had been active and bubbly all morning, but once we got to the hospital he must have been in a sleep cycle, so I had some juice and water and he woke up and gave us a strip. But not before out of nowhere I started barfing. That was annoying, I can’t tell you how much I hate barfing. I can tell you how grateful I was that I chose Mary as my doula though. She was so positive the whole time. “Oh barf! That’s great, you’re dilating!” I felt like I was at the mall with her, she was so casual, and I trusted her completely.
Not sure what time they filled the little tub for me, but it was long overdue, I just wanted to get in some warm water. I was glad to be rid of the antibiotics, but the port had to stay, so they put a glove over it and taped the edges to keep it dry. Let’s just say now it didn’t work, but I’m glad it didn’t, you’ll see. Now I had been having some light bloody show all morning, and when we arrived. But when I got up to get in the tub, I went to pee and was TOTALLY grossed out by the sudden goop factor! How terribly distracting and encouraging. HAHA! Getting in the tub was a miracle. The contractions still hurt like a SOB, but the water was so relaxing. The tub was big but still small and I couldn’t really get in a consistently good position for the contractions, but the water helped me to zonk in between my contractions, the dark bathroom was a godsend as well, because I really was NOT digging all the commotion in the room (again, I’m not sure there was so much going on afterall, but I only wanted to labor with my husband and my doula, not the entire hospital staff). Mary commented how I was a totally different woman once I got in that water. I didn’t notice it at the time because my contractions were so intense and I thought I must have been a total maniac, but in hindsight it made a big difference. I think I expected it to make the contractions somehow feel different, it didn’t, but it made ME feel different, and that was what I needed to deal with the contractions.
Not sure how long I was in the tub, must not have been long though. I kept asking Mary if they were filling the big tub for me, I wanted to be able to get on my hands and knees, and rolling around in the little tub was just not going to cut it. She asked the midwife about the birth tub when she came in and she wanted to check me cuz there was a line for the birth tub. I wasn’t the only one with my eyes on the prize, and I needed to be 5cm before they could let me get in there. I looked at the midwife and told her I didn’t care about the other mom’s problems. :rofl Given the circumstances, I consented to a check, but begged her to check me in the tub so I wouldn’t have to get out before it was time for me to move to the big tub. Bless her heart she did it, and left handed even! I had a great midwife. :happy The good news is that I was 5cm with a bulging bag, so they started filling the tub. I THINK we moved to the big tub a little after 3pm (that window between when we arrived and when I transferred was the longest period of time in my memory, even though Aiden wasn’t born until after 6:30). I was so driven to get to the tub that I got out of the little tub, used the potty, barely covered myself, and BOOKED across the hall to the big tub. I think I heard them have a little giggle at me. I climbed right in, told them it was too shallow, and had a WHOPPER of a contraction. But I was in the big tub, so life was WAY good despite that WAY crappy contraction. I was able to get into a rhythm finally, and I moved all around the tub on my hands and knees, just kneeling, squatting, just rolling around like a fool. It was wonderful. The midwife was a doll, offered to bring in some musical CDs, but I didn’t really care. I was making my own soundtrack. I’m pretty certain everyone in St. Paul knew I was in labor. :L I think at a couple points I told Mary, the midwife, and Baris that I must be scaring the crap out of the other women on the floor. They were kind enough to reassure me that we were way at the end of the hall and the door was closed. I didn’t really care, but looking back it was funny.
I started having some righteous contractions that were all up front and across my hip and back like a belt of FIRE. I thought my hips were going to EXPLODE right off me. I had labored pretty well for a while and suddenly I was just overwhelmed by that hip and back pain and started getting lost in it. I started telling Mary I couldn’t do it (again, we did this a couple times earlier in the little tub too) and she just looked at me and said, “what are you talking about you ARE doing it.” Mostly I was freaking out during the contractions for a while, but then it got to where in between I was so dumbfounded that I was asking her whose damn hero I was trying to be anyway! :howling Baris was a ROCK during all this (apparently I was in transition, but I wouldn’t let her touch me for a while) and was right there with water, a rag to wipe my face, and lots of good kisses to keep me going. He kept telling me how good I was doing and how much he loved me, and I couldn’t believe how much I loved him right there in the middle of all my crazy pain and what I thought must have been the definition of chaos.
I argued with Mary and the midwife for a while, they wanted me to let her rupture my bag, but I was not digging it, and I openly told Mary it was because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But I did finally decide to do it. I think I was 7cm, she ruptured the bag(everything was clear!), and honestly, I didn’t notice any difference, everything was already too intense as it was. They were discussing my next AB dose whch was due at 6:10 and I said “no. no. no. if I’m not done by then, no.”The nurse tried to argue with me but my midwife looked at her and said “she refused, drop it,” or something to that effect. I was pleased.
I am not sure how long it was before I started feeling grunty, but the midwife was on alert and I let them check me. I told Mary I was terrified to let them check me, that I was going to still be 7 and that I didn’t think I could go on. I’m pretty sure I told them I was done, I think I even put my gloved IV hand out and told them to put something in it. But Mary got me level headed. At one point I again asked whose hero I was trying to be, please get the anesthesiologist, I’m done. But I did go ahead and let her check me, I had an anterior lip (ohhhhh goody) so she called it 9cm, +2 and said I could bear down if I wanted to. My brain flipped 15 times in my skull. I knew I was very close to having the baby and that all hope for doing it the “easy way” was now long gone. Baris and Mary were so good to me, a lot of this is a blur. I know I was feeling grunty, but everytime I gave a little push I scared myself off with the pain. Mary told me it would feel better to push. I disagree. It did NOT feel better to push, everything hurt like the dickens. But I kept moving around, and I finally was getting a few solid pushes out, I was using the tub side for leverage most of the time. I carried on like this for a while, pushing, not pushing, telling Baris how hard it was and begging Mary to make it stop cuz my hips were going to explode. I could feel his head pressing against my bones, it was so bizarre and painful. More bizarre, to me, was that when I really got on top of a push, that I kept bearing down despite that horrid sensation of his head on my bones like that! Mary commented later that when she was applying counterpressure to my hips that she could actually feel my hip bones shifting as I pushed.
The midwife had me turn so she could check his position and what was going on (I was in a lot of positions, none of which was conducive to her being able to see if the baby was coming down, even with a mirror :lol). When she checked me the lip was gone and I kept pushing, but then she thought it was back (don’t ask me how all this went down, I don’t remember). So I tried to just breathe and grunt for a few contractions, but the lip wouldn’t go away, so they told me she could reduce it. They did not explain the details. So I told them “OK, wait for after this next contraction, we’ll do it.” Stupid me. They waited, I turned over, then she waited some more…until I contracted again, and lifted the lip. I’ll just say that was horrendous, absolutely horrid, and I was shocked because I didn’t know she would have to do it DURING a contraction. I think she did this intentionally, knowing that I wouldn’t let her do anything while I was contracting if she told me. Sneaky woman. So we called it complete and I think they said once they called it complete I pushed for maybe 7 minutes, it was like 2 contractions.
Aiden came out of there like a freight train. I was SO done. I pushed, felt his head with my hand (OH MY GOD), pushed, felt his head pop under my pubic bone and instantly crown. I would have LOVED to have a picture of the look I gave the midwife when this happened. Because I literally had NO freaking clue, I was so shocked, I think I must have had the best look in the world on my face and it was all directed at her. It was so sudden, not gradual. I pushed again and his head was out (screw slow, you guys, I wasn’t having it at all). I was trying to push, but the feeling of his little body in there was insane and I backed off the first time or two I tried, then I just shot him out. 6:32pm. I felt like I was in a toilet. I didn't care how much it hurt, he was on my tummy and he was all gross and perfect and mine, and thankfully all the pain was over in my head. Baris kept kissing me, telling me he loved me, and marveling at our little boy. He cut the cord (we got a really cruddy picture of this), and we verified that he did indeed have a penis. Baris and the nurse took him while I got out of the tub (oh so tenderly because I’m pretty sure my hip bones DID explode as I thought they were going to…lol) and we moved over to the bed so I could deliver the placenta (which quietly made it’s move only 11 minutes after Aiden’s birth. I did tell them they needed to take the IV out now, but I wasn’t very adamant. They said something about it being there for an hour just in case, and I ignored them looking at my baby and kissing my hubby. Had a first degree tear. Funny how you can push out all that baby and still think that the repair hurts!!!
Oh and the IV? It fell out… sweet revenge!
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Aiden Baris was born November 17th at 6:32pm. In the water like I hoped, and I think it went just the way I wanted it to. He was 7lbs 7oz and 19 3/4in long.
Monday morning I woke up around 4am feeling some contractions moving through my body. I thought these were probably just some bothersome Braxton hicks and didn’t get my hopes up, tried to get back to sleep. But when I couldn’t I decided to get up and do something for a bit to see if they would stop. I piddled around on the computer for a bit, sitting on my birth ball, and trying to ignore the contractions. I started timing a few just to see, and they were pretty consistently 4-5 minutes apart and about 45 seconds long. Around 4:45 Baris’s alarm clock went off and I thought I had better tell him we could be having a baby today, but I wasn’t sure. It was weird to tell him that, since I still wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to get his hopes up. We got up and had some pancakes for breakfast around 5 or 5:15. I tried to sit at the table but that was no good, so I stood and ate my breakfast (most of it) and we went up stairs. The contractions were stronger but not unbearable so I thought I had better try to get a little sleep since I had only had 4 hours the night before. I laid down in bed with Baris while he watched the news. I texted my doula a little before 6am to let her know I thought today might be the day, and that I would call her in a bit and fill her in. She let me know she was ready.
I think I had Baris start timing the contractions again when I realized I wasn’t able to sleep, probably around 7 or so. At this point the contractions were pretty consistently 3 mins apart and always a minute long, with the exception of the little piggy back ones I was having when I got up to pee. And I had to pee a lot, so we had a bunch of those!
I think we called Mary around 8 or so. Baris was nervous about my contraction pattern (he’s a bit of a nervous nelly) and I had started vocalizing at the peaks of the contractions, so we thought we should give her a buzz. I tried like hell to walk through some of the contractions, but couldn’t so I would stop and kneel somewhere, and go about my business. At one point I face planted into a plate of toast crumbs and honey…which provided us with some entertainment and some good laughs. Aiden moved a lot between contractions, which was reassuring, but I really wanted him to cut it out cuz it was uncomfortable and I wanted to chill between contractions.
I haven’t the foggiest idea when Mary arrived, I think around 9 or so. Baris was intermittently working with me through contractions and taking things to the car since my contractions were holding steady at 2 to 3 minutes apart and a minute long, he wanted to be ready. When she got there I was really working through contractions. Of course the first thing she wanted to know was how long I had been in my current position (kneeling in my rocking chair draped over the back), but I had just gotten there so she gave me permission to stay.
Funny thing is that after being in that contraction pattern for all that time, when Mary arrived, my body must have decided it was time for social hour, because they spaced out for a bit. We all went down to the living room and I had Baris make me some more toast so I could snack a bit to keep up my energy. We chit chatted for a while, and Mary teased me about how no matter where I was or what I was doing when I had contractions, I always moved into some kind of hands and knees position. I wasn’t having back labor, it was just more comfortable for me.
Mary left for just a bit to put gas in her car since things slowed down. I got up to pee a little after she left and I started up again with the contractions. My doula brain told me I should hang out on the toilet for a little while since the contractions were much stronger when I was there. But I wasn’t feeling the “everyone can see me naked” deal yet, so I sat there with my pants on! I think I was on the toilet for 20 or 30 minutes when Mary “suggested” I move to the birth ball for something new. I sort of putzed around with the ball for a while, trying to find somewhere good to put it where I could lean against something. I put it in front of my table and we all hung out there for a while. Baris kept timing contractions (made him feel better I think, and gave him something concrete to do) and rubbing my shoulders with Mary in between contractions. I think this helped the most while we were at home because I kept unconsciously drawing my shoulders up, and having hands there reminded me to drop them down and chill. I remember commenting to Mary at some point how weird it was that I felt like two totally different people. I was totally focused and serious during contractions, but joking and telling stories in between…though it did take me an awful long time to tell my funny stories!
We started talking about heading to the hospital around noon, I was REALLY working through my contractions, and they were steady and strong at 2 to 3 minutes apart and a minute long. B called the midwives to give them the heads up (and so they could call the hospital for us) and they asked a bunch of silly questions which I refused to answer with any clarity through my husband. :lol I had Baris take my birth ball to the car in case I wanted it at the hospital and they didn’t have one, and we all headed off to the hospital. I fully expected my contractions to space out during the transition, but they didn’t, and I kept contracting and humming along in the van (thank goodness for stow’n’go, by the way, I was able to be on all fours in the back and have room to wiggle around). We pulled up to the ER entrance and Baris went inside to find out how we were supposed to go about all this. Which triggered them coming out with a wheel chair. But as the door opened on the van I remember thinking “good timing!” cuz I had just finished a contraction. I looked at the ER tech guy like he was out of his mind if he thought I was sitting in that chair, and we headed in. Not sure why he felt the need to support my arm the whole way, I remember it irritated the crap out of me. I waited there at the ER entrance for Baris and for the L&D people to come and save me from this moron ER tech. He actually looked at me and said (this is a direct quote) “You’re just having contractions, you’re not in labor right?” He almost lost his testicles. I was good about laboring quietly with the audience, but things were definitely not slowing down the way I thought they would.
Getting up to L&D took a while because I refused to ride in a wheel chair (which I sensed irritated the ER guy extensively) but I told them, “I’m in labor, I’m not broken.” I probably had 6 or so contractions on the way…and I found the halls painfully barren of things to lean over! Finally we were in L&D (really a nice area) and I saw Mary way at the end of the hall and thought, THANK GOODNESS! But She did seem awfully far away. I did just make it into the room before another contraction hit. Apparently we arrived at 1:15pm.
I decided to get into one of their gowns simply because I didn’t want to fuss with the IV they were placing for the antibiotics. They checked me and I was 3cm, 80%, and baby was -2. All this thoroughly pissed me off. They were graciously quick with getting the antibiotics up, but the baseline strip on the baby felt like it took forever because I didn’t want to sit still, so the baby kept coming off the monitor. In the interest of getting a good strip quickly I laid on my side in the bed so we could get this show on the road. They placed the IV and I remember thinking how bad my arm was burning. So during contractions I was moaning and carrying on through the contraction (I was having a hard time finding a rhythm that worked for me now, so getting on top of them was a real challenge) and in between contractions I couldn’t rest because I was consumed by the burning arm sensation!!! Baris fell into his niche and became my water boy. The whole time I was in labor I kept remembering to drink water (that doula brain again) and Baris was awesome about making sure I didn’t have to wait. At some point there seemed to be 600 people in my room, all chatting, asking questions, and pestering me. Luckily Mary picked up on me getting WAY over-stimulated and got me focused. Baris sent the chit chatters away and asked everyone to be quiet, and I was able to get settled again. Thank goodness for Mary and her awesome doula tricks, that was rough, I was waving my hands at them and I think at one point I told them there were way too many F---ing people in the room. I don’t know if there were really so many people or if it was really so noisy, but it seemed that way to me. Not to mention the sound of the monitor was really irritating the crap out of me.
I don’t know how long I was on the monitor, but it took longer than I had hoped. Aiden had been active and bubbly all morning, but once we got to the hospital he must have been in a sleep cycle, so I had some juice and water and he woke up and gave us a strip. But not before out of nowhere I started barfing. That was annoying, I can’t tell you how much I hate barfing. I can tell you how grateful I was that I chose Mary as my doula though. She was so positive the whole time. “Oh barf! That’s great, you’re dilating!” I felt like I was at the mall with her, she was so casual, and I trusted her completely.
Not sure what time they filled the little tub for me, but it was long overdue, I just wanted to get in some warm water. I was glad to be rid of the antibiotics, but the port had to stay, so they put a glove over it and taped the edges to keep it dry. Let’s just say now it didn’t work, but I’m glad it didn’t, you’ll see. Now I had been having some light bloody show all morning, and when we arrived. But when I got up to get in the tub, I went to pee and was TOTALLY grossed out by the sudden goop factor! How terribly distracting and encouraging. HAHA! Getting in the tub was a miracle. The contractions still hurt like a SOB, but the water was so relaxing. The tub was big but still small and I couldn’t really get in a consistently good position for the contractions, but the water helped me to zonk in between my contractions, the dark bathroom was a godsend as well, because I really was NOT digging all the commotion in the room (again, I’m not sure there was so much going on afterall, but I only wanted to labor with my husband and my doula, not the entire hospital staff). Mary commented how I was a totally different woman once I got in that water. I didn’t notice it at the time because my contractions were so intense and I thought I must have been a total maniac, but in hindsight it made a big difference. I think I expected it to make the contractions somehow feel different, it didn’t, but it made ME feel different, and that was what I needed to deal with the contractions.
Not sure how long I was in the tub, must not have been long though. I kept asking Mary if they were filling the big tub for me, I wanted to be able to get on my hands and knees, and rolling around in the little tub was just not going to cut it. She asked the midwife about the birth tub when she came in and she wanted to check me cuz there was a line for the birth tub. I wasn’t the only one with my eyes on the prize, and I needed to be 5cm before they could let me get in there. I looked at the midwife and told her I didn’t care about the other mom’s problems. :rofl Given the circumstances, I consented to a check, but begged her to check me in the tub so I wouldn’t have to get out before it was time for me to move to the big tub. Bless her heart she did it, and left handed even! I had a great midwife. :happy The good news is that I was 5cm with a bulging bag, so they started filling the tub. I THINK we moved to the big tub a little after 3pm (that window between when we arrived and when I transferred was the longest period of time in my memory, even though Aiden wasn’t born until after 6:30). I was so driven to get to the tub that I got out of the little tub, used the potty, barely covered myself, and BOOKED across the hall to the big tub. I think I heard them have a little giggle at me. I climbed right in, told them it was too shallow, and had a WHOPPER of a contraction. But I was in the big tub, so life was WAY good despite that WAY crappy contraction. I was able to get into a rhythm finally, and I moved all around the tub on my hands and knees, just kneeling, squatting, just rolling around like a fool. It was wonderful. The midwife was a doll, offered to bring in some musical CDs, but I didn’t really care. I was making my own soundtrack. I’m pretty certain everyone in St. Paul knew I was in labor. :L I think at a couple points I told Mary, the midwife, and Baris that I must be scaring the crap out of the other women on the floor. They were kind enough to reassure me that we were way at the end of the hall and the door was closed. I didn’t really care, but looking back it was funny.
I started having some righteous contractions that were all up front and across my hip and back like a belt of FIRE. I thought my hips were going to EXPLODE right off me. I had labored pretty well for a while and suddenly I was just overwhelmed by that hip and back pain and started getting lost in it. I started telling Mary I couldn’t do it (again, we did this a couple times earlier in the little tub too) and she just looked at me and said, “what are you talking about you ARE doing it.” Mostly I was freaking out during the contractions for a while, but then it got to where in between I was so dumbfounded that I was asking her whose damn hero I was trying to be anyway! :howling Baris was a ROCK during all this (apparently I was in transition, but I wouldn’t let her touch me for a while) and was right there with water, a rag to wipe my face, and lots of good kisses to keep me going. He kept telling me how good I was doing and how much he loved me, and I couldn’t believe how much I loved him right there in the middle of all my crazy pain and what I thought must have been the definition of chaos.
I argued with Mary and the midwife for a while, they wanted me to let her rupture my bag, but I was not digging it, and I openly told Mary it was because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But I did finally decide to do it. I think I was 7cm, she ruptured the bag(everything was clear!), and honestly, I didn’t notice any difference, everything was already too intense as it was. They were discussing my next AB dose whch was due at 6:10 and I said “no. no. no. if I’m not done by then, no.”The nurse tried to argue with me but my midwife looked at her and said “she refused, drop it,” or something to that effect. I was pleased.
I am not sure how long it was before I started feeling grunty, but the midwife was on alert and I let them check me. I told Mary I was terrified to let them check me, that I was going to still be 7 and that I didn’t think I could go on. I’m pretty sure I told them I was done, I think I even put my gloved IV hand out and told them to put something in it. But Mary got me level headed. At one point I again asked whose hero I was trying to be, please get the anesthesiologist, I’m done. But I did go ahead and let her check me, I had an anterior lip (ohhhhh goody) so she called it 9cm, +2 and said I could bear down if I wanted to. My brain flipped 15 times in my skull. I knew I was very close to having the baby and that all hope for doing it the “easy way” was now long gone. Baris and Mary were so good to me, a lot of this is a blur. I know I was feeling grunty, but everytime I gave a little push I scared myself off with the pain. Mary told me it would feel better to push. I disagree. It did NOT feel better to push, everything hurt like the dickens. But I kept moving around, and I finally was getting a few solid pushes out, I was using the tub side for leverage most of the time. I carried on like this for a while, pushing, not pushing, telling Baris how hard it was and begging Mary to make it stop cuz my hips were going to explode. I could feel his head pressing against my bones, it was so bizarre and painful. More bizarre, to me, was that when I really got on top of a push, that I kept bearing down despite that horrid sensation of his head on my bones like that! Mary commented later that when she was applying counterpressure to my hips that she could actually feel my hip bones shifting as I pushed.
The midwife had me turn so she could check his position and what was going on (I was in a lot of positions, none of which was conducive to her being able to see if the baby was coming down, even with a mirror :lol). When she checked me the lip was gone and I kept pushing, but then she thought it was back (don’t ask me how all this went down, I don’t remember). So I tried to just breathe and grunt for a few contractions, but the lip wouldn’t go away, so they told me she could reduce it. They did not explain the details. So I told them “OK, wait for after this next contraction, we’ll do it.” Stupid me. They waited, I turned over, then she waited some more…until I contracted again, and lifted the lip. I’ll just say that was horrendous, absolutely horrid, and I was shocked because I didn’t know she would have to do it DURING a contraction. I think she did this intentionally, knowing that I wouldn’t let her do anything while I was contracting if she told me. Sneaky woman. So we called it complete and I think they said once they called it complete I pushed for maybe 7 minutes, it was like 2 contractions.
Aiden came out of there like a freight train. I was SO done. I pushed, felt his head with my hand (OH MY GOD), pushed, felt his head pop under my pubic bone and instantly crown. I would have LOVED to have a picture of the look I gave the midwife when this happened. Because I literally had NO freaking clue, I was so shocked, I think I must have had the best look in the world on my face and it was all directed at her. It was so sudden, not gradual. I pushed again and his head was out (screw slow, you guys, I wasn’t having it at all). I was trying to push, but the feeling of his little body in there was insane and I backed off the first time or two I tried, then I just shot him out. 6:32pm. I felt like I was in a toilet. I didn't care how much it hurt, he was on my tummy and he was all gross and perfect and mine, and thankfully all the pain was over in my head. Baris kept kissing me, telling me he loved me, and marveling at our little boy. He cut the cord (we got a really cruddy picture of this), and we verified that he did indeed have a penis. Baris and the nurse took him while I got out of the tub (oh so tenderly because I’m pretty sure my hip bones DID explode as I thought they were going to…lol) and we moved over to the bed so I could deliver the placenta (which quietly made it’s move only 11 minutes after Aiden’s birth. I did tell them they needed to take the IV out now, but I wasn’t very adamant. They said something about it being there for an hour just in case, and I ignored them looking at my baby and kissing my hubby. Had a first degree tear. Funny how you can push out all that baby and still think that the repair hurts!!!
Oh and the IV? It fell out… sweet revenge!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Hm...Friday Five
Amy Does a Friday Five And since I need to give myself a little pep talk AND I like the idea of always reminding ourselves what we are grateful for in this life, I think I'll do it too.
1. I'm thankful I've had a worry free, event free pregnancy.
2. I'm thankful my sisters and mom are coming to see me and baby for Thanksgiving.
3. I'm thankful that I have the drive and energy to keep my house clean...FINALLY
4. I'm thankful for the freedom I have to choose to be a stay at home mom.
5. I'm thankful for my husband, endlessly, even when he makes me angry. He's a good man.
1. I'm thankful I've had a worry free, event free pregnancy.
2. I'm thankful my sisters and mom are coming to see me and baby for Thanksgiving.
3. I'm thankful that I have the drive and energy to keep my house clean...FINALLY
4. I'm thankful for the freedom I have to choose to be a stay at home mom.
5. I'm thankful for my husband, endlessly, even when he makes me angry. He's a good man.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
One day over and...
I am sooooo dejected right now. Nothing going on, my cervix is still in my tonsils and not open so no membrane stripping. That was SO disappointing, especially considering how painful the exam was. It's still no indicator, but I was really hoping since I"ve had all these contractions in the last week that SOMETHING would be going on, but I guess Aiden wants to keep us waiting. This could go either way, I could still go into labor tonight, or it could be another week and a half. The full moon is doing nothing for me so far, and it's now past it's peak strength.
The only development is that I have the runs. whoopee. This could be a good sign or just a MAJOR annoyance.
I'm gonna go self loath for a while. Anyone got any beer?
The only development is that I have the runs. whoopee. This could be a good sign or just a MAJOR annoyance.
I'm gonna go self loath for a while. Anyone got any beer?
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Quick Post in Honor of 40 Weeks
No, I was not attacked by a rabid mountain lion. Those are a stretch marky gift passed down to me through the genes from my grandmother White. Hmph. Hope you didn't just have lunch.
And the final from the top:
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Tagged
Cuz it's a bloggy sort of night for me:
Tagged
Rules:
1. People who are tagged need to post these rules, and 8 random habits/facts/quirks about themselves.
2. At the end of the post you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
Ok, 8 random habits/facts/quirks
1. I hate public restrooms. A lot. I hate them more when they are at the office (or when I was younger, in school) because then people I actually KNOW can HEAR ME PEE! Yes, this is the problem. Not so much a germy thing, but the fact that people can hear me pee. Worse yet is when they try to talk to me in the bathroom. This isn't limited to when I'm sitting on the pot, if I was JUST sitting on the pot and am now washing my hands, if I'm about to go sit on the pot...don't talk to me. I hate it. We are dealing with personal private things and I don't want to talk to you!
2. I'm OCD about our stairwell lightswitches. It's difficult to explain, but I sure like them to "match." If the upper light is on, and the lower light is off, the switches all have to be facing the same direction. I don't know how I got into this, B started it I think, and I took it too far.
3. I love straws. Any beverage with a straw will be rapidly consumed by yours truly. Even water. In fact, this is how I force myself to drink more water. Knowing I have this weird fixation, if I stick a straw in water, I'll drink like a gallon in a day. Doesn't matter the beverage, if there's a straw, I'll usually drink it. The only beverage this does not apply to is milk. Milk must be chugged.
4. Speaking of milk...I think I drink more than a gallon a week...on my own. And I don't sip it, hell no. I have an uncontrollable CHUGGING urge. Hopefully Aiden isn't milk sensitive...cuz I might die if I can't drink milk.
5. I used to eat seasoned salt. Straight. Weird, I know. I would pour it in my hand, and eat it. Not sure why. I just did.
6. My sister and i have this joke about crack...and I don't remember how it started. But even though I don't remember the original context, it still cracks me up "just say no to crack." In fact, she sent me a damn Christmas card last year with santa's butt crack on it...and she wrote "just say no to crack" in it! Makes me laugh just thinking of it. Could be the only christmas card I'll ever save.
7. I talk to my cat. ALL. THE. TIME. And this was going on before I was out of work. In fact, both of us talk to him. We talk to him like we're having a conversation with us, and I swear he participates. We even talk to eachother about how we like to talk to the cat. That's Cheddar for you...he just makes you crazy.
8. I hate that my hubby gets mad when I tickle him. I like to tickle him, cuz it makes us both laugh and it's a stress reliever, but he hates being tickled (even though he laughs) and I get in trouble for doing it. Sometimes it's so worth it though... meeehehehehehe!
I tag:
Amy B
Karen M (cuz I know you're reading this daily at work)
Baris
Hot Doula Stacia
Karen (mah crack sistah)
Ana
Duji
Jess
(if ya don't have a blogger account, first of all shame on you, second of all, just put your 8 in my comment box, it'll give me something to do.)
Tagged
Rules:
1. People who are tagged need to post these rules, and 8 random habits/facts/quirks about themselves.
2. At the end of the post you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
Ok, 8 random habits/facts/quirks
1. I hate public restrooms. A lot. I hate them more when they are at the office (or when I was younger, in school) because then people I actually KNOW can HEAR ME PEE! Yes, this is the problem. Not so much a germy thing, but the fact that people can hear me pee. Worse yet is when they try to talk to me in the bathroom. This isn't limited to when I'm sitting on the pot, if I was JUST sitting on the pot and am now washing my hands, if I'm about to go sit on the pot...don't talk to me. I hate it. We are dealing with personal private things and I don't want to talk to you!
2. I'm OCD about our stairwell lightswitches. It's difficult to explain, but I sure like them to "match." If the upper light is on, and the lower light is off, the switches all have to be facing the same direction. I don't know how I got into this, B started it I think, and I took it too far.
3. I love straws. Any beverage with a straw will be rapidly consumed by yours truly. Even water. In fact, this is how I force myself to drink more water. Knowing I have this weird fixation, if I stick a straw in water, I'll drink like a gallon in a day. Doesn't matter the beverage, if there's a straw, I'll usually drink it. The only beverage this does not apply to is milk. Milk must be chugged.
4. Speaking of milk...I think I drink more than a gallon a week...on my own. And I don't sip it, hell no. I have an uncontrollable CHUGGING urge. Hopefully Aiden isn't milk sensitive...cuz I might die if I can't drink milk.
5. I used to eat seasoned salt. Straight. Weird, I know. I would pour it in my hand, and eat it. Not sure why. I just did.
6. My sister and i have this joke about crack...and I don't remember how it started. But even though I don't remember the original context, it still cracks me up "just say no to crack." In fact, she sent me a damn Christmas card last year with santa's butt crack on it...and she wrote "just say no to crack" in it! Makes me laugh just thinking of it. Could be the only christmas card I'll ever save.
7. I talk to my cat. ALL. THE. TIME. And this was going on before I was out of work. In fact, both of us talk to him. We talk to him like we're having a conversation with us, and I swear he participates. We even talk to eachother about how we like to talk to the cat. That's Cheddar for you...he just makes you crazy.
8. I hate that my hubby gets mad when I tickle him. I like to tickle him, cuz it makes us both laugh and it's a stress reliever, but he hates being tickled (even though he laughs) and I get in trouble for doing it. Sometimes it's so worth it though... meeehehehehehe!
I tag:
Amy B
Karen M (cuz I know you're reading this daily at work)
Baris
Hot Doula Stacia
Karen (mah crack sistah)
Ana
Duji
Jess
(if ya don't have a blogger account, first of all shame on you, second of all, just put your 8 in my comment box, it'll give me something to do.)
The Aiden Pool
I don't like doing bets on WHEN, but I'm totally thinking it would be fun to guess Aiden's weight and length. There's no prize other than the sheer glory of it all (teeehehehehehe) but feel free to post your guess in the comments box, we'll let you know who wins. Winner will be the person closest without going over. :-)
Happy Due Date!
Well, my due date is upon us. Tomorrow, November 12th, 2008, I'm officially "due." Thank goodness for the medical community, so glad they could be around to give me dates. PFFFT! I am posting today simply because I plan to have a girl's day tomorrow with friend Jackie and her baby Emily, so I won't be around to commiserate about how annoyed I am that I'm still pregnant.
I was feeling super cruddy today, Monday, and really achy over the weekend, so I think it's almost go time, but one can never be sure, and Aiden will come when he's ready. I just have to keep telling myself that. We are indeed ready to meet the little guy, and I'm hoping that between the appointment I have on Thursday and the full moon that same night, that things will get going and we can have a baby home this weekend. But again, Aiden will come when he's ready to come. :-)
I thought I would take this opportunity to make a few public service announcements.
1. You're probably not on the "short list" and won't get a call when the baby is born. A very few family and friends will hear from us shortly after the birth. Baris will do his best to get an e mail out to the master list in a timely manner, hopefully with a picture of our new little man. Don't be offended, we simply know too many people. And if you get missed on the e mail it was simply an oversight, the list is very long. If you want to be on the list and aren't sure if you are, drop a comment, I'll add you. I may have B post to the blog if we get an internet connection, so that will be a possibility.
2. We enjoy visitors. But with a new baby, anyone hanging at our house for more than 30 minutes can get a bit tiresome. Please be kind, make your visit short, and call before you come so we know. Exceptions are for those who want to do housework while here!
3. B has laid down a rule that anyone who visits must bring us meals. 2 meals, lunch or dinner or one of each. That's his rule, and I think it's fair. :-) I say if you come around meal time and bring food, we'll be happy to sit and eat with you and wave the 30 minute rule! LOL!
4. This may sound a little callus, but it's for all our sanity. B and I are a little alternative to a lot of our friends when it comes to parenting. We're glad the things you do work for you, but largely we are trying some other things with Aiden that seem to make sense to us. We love to hear your stories about your babies, but unless we ask, please don't push advice on us. This is something I think MOST parents want to say to their very kind and well-meaning friends. We adore you, we value you your friendship, your caring, and your thoughts. But we want some space and want to feel comfortable parenting in our way.
5. My personal pet peeve. I don't mind you holding the baby and all that. But if you think you'll be touching his face, please wash your hands. I don't know why this bugs me, but it does. Handling him is one thing, touching his face is another. He's got such a little tiny immune system. I'm not a germaphobe, just the face touching thing.
6. Please don't bring your kids if you can help it when you visit. At least not for the first week or so. I've noticed I have a short patience for other people's children here at the end of my pregnancy, and i don't think I'll feel up to your kids shortly after birth while I"m all sleep deprived and hormonal.
7. Hospital visiting rules...well, we would really like to limit in hospital visitors. We'll all be tuckered out and worn out anyway with the baby, the birth, and the nurses checking in on us every hour or so, so it's important that we have a chance to rest. If you want to visit at the hospital, please call us first to find out if it's a good time. It might not be, and we may want to visit with you after we come home.
I probably sound like a crabby hormonal b****, but the truth is, if you think back to your first baby, you were thinking a lot of the same things. We just really want a smooth transition home, help where it's needed, and space when we need it. We want this time to be a special time for the three of us, this is all new to us and we want to just take our time and take it one step at a time. It's hard to work on becoming a family if there is a constant stream of visitors. You don't need to wait for an invitation, but please be courteous about your visit, we want to see you, but probably not for 3 hours straight!
A fair warning for anyone who might be bothered by it...Aiden will be breastfed, and this includes whenever people are around, if he's hungry, I feed him. If it bugs you, you are welcome to leave the room, but I'm gonna sit where I'm comfy. :-) Cheers. I don't take kindly to "opinions" about breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, so I wouldn't bring it up if I were you. Only fair that I warn you before I turn into a raging postpartum lunatic right? :-)
Thursday is my 40 week appointment with the midwife. I'll post with anything interesting. As of last week Aiden was still head down (sure likes being upside down eh?) and sounding good. Measuring right on track. I haven't been "checked" in 3 weeks and this week I'm going to go ahead and have them check me. Mostly because I want them to do something called sweeping/stripping my mebranes. The idea being that it helps the cervix to release it's own prostaglandins, one of the major hormones that occurs during labor (prostaglandin is also what is found in semen, it helps to soften and ripen the cervix). Studies are all over the place on whether this helps to induce labor, but it's a pretty simple thing to do, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. It's not like going in for an induction and not being able to turn back. This is an encouragement procedure, done during the regular appointment, then I'll go home just like normal. If it does work, it usually results in the onset of labor within 36 hours, but again, the reviews are mixed as to whether it works. In addition, the cervix actually has to be dilated some in order for my midwife to do the procedure, so we shall see. I'm hoping between stripping my membranes and the full moon on Thursday, maybe we'll have a baby! :-)
In between now and show time, I'm just trying to keep busy. Tidying up around the house, resting (been feeling not so hot these last couple days) and getting in some walks. Sure feels good to have a nice clean house and no worries about work or anything! So freeing!
Hope everyone is well, take care and keep in touch. Sometime in the next 2 weeks, there will be a baby announcement!
Your local gestator,
Megz
I was feeling super cruddy today, Monday, and really achy over the weekend, so I think it's almost go time, but one can never be sure, and Aiden will come when he's ready. I just have to keep telling myself that. We are indeed ready to meet the little guy, and I'm hoping that between the appointment I have on Thursday and the full moon that same night, that things will get going and we can have a baby home this weekend. But again, Aiden will come when he's ready to come. :-)
I thought I would take this opportunity to make a few public service announcements.
1. You're probably not on the "short list" and won't get a call when the baby is born. A very few family and friends will hear from us shortly after the birth. Baris will do his best to get an e mail out to the master list in a timely manner, hopefully with a picture of our new little man. Don't be offended, we simply know too many people. And if you get missed on the e mail it was simply an oversight, the list is very long. If you want to be on the list and aren't sure if you are, drop a comment, I'll add you. I may have B post to the blog if we get an internet connection, so that will be a possibility.
2. We enjoy visitors. But with a new baby, anyone hanging at our house for more than 30 minutes can get a bit tiresome. Please be kind, make your visit short, and call before you come so we know. Exceptions are for those who want to do housework while here!
3. B has laid down a rule that anyone who visits must bring us meals. 2 meals, lunch or dinner or one of each. That's his rule, and I think it's fair. :-) I say if you come around meal time and bring food, we'll be happy to sit and eat with you and wave the 30 minute rule! LOL!
4. This may sound a little callus, but it's for all our sanity. B and I are a little alternative to a lot of our friends when it comes to parenting. We're glad the things you do work for you, but largely we are trying some other things with Aiden that seem to make sense to us. We love to hear your stories about your babies, but unless we ask, please don't push advice on us. This is something I think MOST parents want to say to their very kind and well-meaning friends. We adore you, we value you your friendship, your caring, and your thoughts. But we want some space and want to feel comfortable parenting in our way.
5. My personal pet peeve. I don't mind you holding the baby and all that. But if you think you'll be touching his face, please wash your hands. I don't know why this bugs me, but it does. Handling him is one thing, touching his face is another. He's got such a little tiny immune system. I'm not a germaphobe, just the face touching thing.
6. Please don't bring your kids if you can help it when you visit. At least not for the first week or so. I've noticed I have a short patience for other people's children here at the end of my pregnancy, and i don't think I'll feel up to your kids shortly after birth while I"m all sleep deprived and hormonal.
7. Hospital visiting rules...well, we would really like to limit in hospital visitors. We'll all be tuckered out and worn out anyway with the baby, the birth, and the nurses checking in on us every hour or so, so it's important that we have a chance to rest. If you want to visit at the hospital, please call us first to find out if it's a good time. It might not be, and we may want to visit with you after we come home.
I probably sound like a crabby hormonal b****, but the truth is, if you think back to your first baby, you were thinking a lot of the same things. We just really want a smooth transition home, help where it's needed, and space when we need it. We want this time to be a special time for the three of us, this is all new to us and we want to just take our time and take it one step at a time. It's hard to work on becoming a family if there is a constant stream of visitors. You don't need to wait for an invitation, but please be courteous about your visit, we want to see you, but probably not for 3 hours straight!
A fair warning for anyone who might be bothered by it...Aiden will be breastfed, and this includes whenever people are around, if he's hungry, I feed him. If it bugs you, you are welcome to leave the room, but I'm gonna sit where I'm comfy. :-) Cheers. I don't take kindly to "opinions" about breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, so I wouldn't bring it up if I were you. Only fair that I warn you before I turn into a raging postpartum lunatic right? :-)
Thursday is my 40 week appointment with the midwife. I'll post with anything interesting. As of last week Aiden was still head down (sure likes being upside down eh?) and sounding good. Measuring right on track. I haven't been "checked" in 3 weeks and this week I'm going to go ahead and have them check me. Mostly because I want them to do something called sweeping/stripping my mebranes. The idea being that it helps the cervix to release it's own prostaglandins, one of the major hormones that occurs during labor (prostaglandin is also what is found in semen, it helps to soften and ripen the cervix). Studies are all over the place on whether this helps to induce labor, but it's a pretty simple thing to do, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. It's not like going in for an induction and not being able to turn back. This is an encouragement procedure, done during the regular appointment, then I'll go home just like normal. If it does work, it usually results in the onset of labor within 36 hours, but again, the reviews are mixed as to whether it works. In addition, the cervix actually has to be dilated some in order for my midwife to do the procedure, so we shall see. I'm hoping between stripping my membranes and the full moon on Thursday, maybe we'll have a baby! :-)
In between now and show time, I'm just trying to keep busy. Tidying up around the house, resting (been feeling not so hot these last couple days) and getting in some walks. Sure feels good to have a nice clean house and no worries about work or anything! So freeing!
Hope everyone is well, take care and keep in touch. Sometime in the next 2 weeks, there will be a baby announcement!
Your local gestator,
Megz
Friday, November 7, 2008
Our New Toy
No. I'm not in labor and no, I didn't have the baby. Now down to business
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OK, so some of you know I always complain about how badly B snores. And he does, my goodness does the man snore. I think few people have a true appreciation for how snoring affects the PARTNER! So finally I forced B to see an Ear, Nose and Throat (heretountofor the "ENT") about his sinus issues, the sleep apnea, and the snoring. Poor guy is ALWAYS tired, snores like a frieght train, and SWEATS all night long, all symptoms of sleep apnea and/or respiratory distress during sleep. Well, We saw the ENT a couple months ago and he put B on a little regimine of twice daily sinus rinses and twice daily nose spray to see what happened. After a month B went back, having experienced SOME limited improvement from this and had another exam. What the ENT found was that not only does B have an abnormally large Uvula (dangly thing in the back of your throat that keeps food from going up your nose when you swallow) but he also has nasal (and probably also sinus) pollips. The ENT is a surgeon, so he immediately started talking about doing UPPP Surgery and a procedure to remove the pollips. The first step before the UPPP surgery would have to be a sleep study, so we signed up for that to find out how bad the apnea was. In the mean time, we did some research on the surgery and decided that the results were not consistent enough, the surgery was too extreme, and the long term benefits were total crap and that we would definitely go for CPAP first if we could.
So last Monday B had his sleep study. He describes it as an all together miserable experience, and I can only imagine. Poor guy already sleeps like crap and then they stick a bunch of stuff to him and put him in a strange room. It was not a good night for him. BUT, we did our follow up with the sleep doctor earlier this week and finally started getting some answers. Baris has what is called MILD sleep apnea, but the catch is that he has 70 to 80 obstructive respiratory events (apnea, hypopnea, mixed apnea, and snoring etc) during the night. During some of these episodes his oxygen saturation drops as low as 84%. For a normal adult this number should always always always be well over 90%. So this explains his chronic fatigue, sweating, and tossing and turning. The sleep doctor is NOT a surgeon and told us that while the UPPP surgery is an option, it only has like a 50% success rate and there are a number of drawbacks (which I already knew from research, and believe me, they are too great to list here). He also explained CPAP and dental devices. CPAP has pretty much a 100% success rate for those who are able to use it. The only problem with the CPAP machine is that about 1 in 4 people simply cannot stand to sleep with it on their faces. We decided to go with the CPAP, since the dental device also has limited success and has the potential to jack up his teeth. We got our orders for a CPAP and immediately called to set up our appointment with the CPAP people to get set up. That appointment was yesterday.
I was SUPER excited to get to this appointment with B and subsequently to go to sleep last night and try this thing out. Right now B is using a really sophisticated machine that is recording data throughout the night to determine the right pressures for his permanent machine (which we should get in about 4 weeks after our trial period with the super CPAP is up). This one changes pressure as it senses that B is having an "episode" and stays up at that pressure until it's no longer sufficient. It resets to it's lowest setting every morning when he turns it off. B was told to sleep on his back (which he loves, because I won't let him for all the snoring) and wear the CPAP as long as he could.
SO, B slept with the CPAP on ALL NIGHT LONG last night. And I'll tell you I anticipated him feeling much better this morning, especially when I woke up a few times (afterall, I'm still 9 years pregnant) to find that a: he hadn't moved all night, and b: the mask was still on. He doesn't seem to mind having the mask on while he sleeps with the exception of the occaisional condensation dripping into his nose and waking him up, we're working on solving this, it's complicated. He woke up this morning at 2am, he said, and was already ready to face his day! But he forced himself back to sleep. Both of us woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 4:30am. Neither of us could get back to sleep. I thought this might happen to B, but I didn't think it would happen to me. I haven't slept so well in YEARS!
Let me break this down for you. B and I have been married nearly 5 years. In that 5 years, neither of us has had a decent night's sleep because of his snoring and apnea. This has affected every aspect of our lives. We have no energy so we don't get as much done, don't have good focus, don't have the energy for exercise on a regular basis unless we FORCE it, and (sorry if TMI) our love life has suffered horribly. The sleep specialist said we would suddenly stop wanting to sleep all the time, and without even trying we would both probably start dropping a lot of weight because our bodies are working more efficiently and have more energy to burn off the weight. Given our newly rested selves, it's probably safe to assume (especially as evidenced by this morning's gung ho start) that most of our other "energy" issues will come around and life will get much better. JUST IN TIME FOR BABY!!! LOL. In addition, because these respiratory episodes have such a huge impact on B's heart, his endurance should improve (B was never able to get up to the full on run of a 5K back when we were training because his heart and lungs just wouldn't let him, no matter how diligently he trained) and he'll be able to get back into the shape he wants to be in.
I can tell he's very happy this morning. I am too. Not only do I feel a MILLION times better after our sleep last night, my husband is all bright and rested. The bags are already nearly gone from under his eyes, he woke up fresh and chatty, and he really feels good. This is great, and the timing couldn't be better. I think baby would have SUNK us if we hadn't rushed to get this CPAP before the birth. I told B he had to do it because we were going to be losing sleep with baby, and with our poor quality of sleep to begin with, neither of us would be able to function at all. I have renewed hope.
What a fun new toy. If you are or sleep with a snorer...get a sleep study. This is changing our whole life! All that's left now is to learn more about these pollips, their risks, and what they mean for his overall health. We'll get there.
Your well-rested and loyal reporter,
Megz
PS: Another tip, put a damn humidifier in your room. We learned from the sleep guy that breathing dry air causes your nasal passages to swell shut, and it can take days for them to open completely again.
----
OK, so some of you know I always complain about how badly B snores. And he does, my goodness does the man snore. I think few people have a true appreciation for how snoring affects the PARTNER! So finally I forced B to see an Ear, Nose and Throat (heretountofor the "ENT") about his sinus issues, the sleep apnea, and the snoring. Poor guy is ALWAYS tired, snores like a frieght train, and SWEATS all night long, all symptoms of sleep apnea and/or respiratory distress during sleep. Well, We saw the ENT a couple months ago and he put B on a little regimine of twice daily sinus rinses and twice daily nose spray to see what happened. After a month B went back, having experienced SOME limited improvement from this and had another exam. What the ENT found was that not only does B have an abnormally large Uvula (dangly thing in the back of your throat that keeps food from going up your nose when you swallow) but he also has nasal (and probably also sinus) pollips. The ENT is a surgeon, so he immediately started talking about doing UPPP Surgery and a procedure to remove the pollips. The first step before the UPPP surgery would have to be a sleep study, so we signed up for that to find out how bad the apnea was. In the mean time, we did some research on the surgery and decided that the results were not consistent enough, the surgery was too extreme, and the long term benefits were total crap and that we would definitely go for CPAP first if we could.
So last Monday B had his sleep study. He describes it as an all together miserable experience, and I can only imagine. Poor guy already sleeps like crap and then they stick a bunch of stuff to him and put him in a strange room. It was not a good night for him. BUT, we did our follow up with the sleep doctor earlier this week and finally started getting some answers. Baris has what is called MILD sleep apnea, but the catch is that he has 70 to 80 obstructive respiratory events (apnea, hypopnea, mixed apnea, and snoring etc) during the night. During some of these episodes his oxygen saturation drops as low as 84%. For a normal adult this number should always always always be well over 90%. So this explains his chronic fatigue, sweating, and tossing and turning. The sleep doctor is NOT a surgeon and told us that while the UPPP surgery is an option, it only has like a 50% success rate and there are a number of drawbacks (which I already knew from research, and believe me, they are too great to list here). He also explained CPAP and dental devices. CPAP has pretty much a 100% success rate for those who are able to use it. The only problem with the CPAP machine is that about 1 in 4 people simply cannot stand to sleep with it on their faces. We decided to go with the CPAP, since the dental device also has limited success and has the potential to jack up his teeth. We got our orders for a CPAP and immediately called to set up our appointment with the CPAP people to get set up. That appointment was yesterday.
I was SUPER excited to get to this appointment with B and subsequently to go to sleep last night and try this thing out. Right now B is using a really sophisticated machine that is recording data throughout the night to determine the right pressures for his permanent machine (which we should get in about 4 weeks after our trial period with the super CPAP is up). This one changes pressure as it senses that B is having an "episode" and stays up at that pressure until it's no longer sufficient. It resets to it's lowest setting every morning when he turns it off. B was told to sleep on his back (which he loves, because I won't let him for all the snoring) and wear the CPAP as long as he could.
SO, B slept with the CPAP on ALL NIGHT LONG last night. And I'll tell you I anticipated him feeling much better this morning, especially when I woke up a few times (afterall, I'm still 9 years pregnant) to find that a: he hadn't moved all night, and b: the mask was still on. He doesn't seem to mind having the mask on while he sleeps with the exception of the occaisional condensation dripping into his nose and waking him up, we're working on solving this, it's complicated. He woke up this morning at 2am, he said, and was already ready to face his day! But he forced himself back to sleep. Both of us woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 4:30am. Neither of us could get back to sleep. I thought this might happen to B, but I didn't think it would happen to me. I haven't slept so well in YEARS!
Let me break this down for you. B and I have been married nearly 5 years. In that 5 years, neither of us has had a decent night's sleep because of his snoring and apnea. This has affected every aspect of our lives. We have no energy so we don't get as much done, don't have good focus, don't have the energy for exercise on a regular basis unless we FORCE it, and (sorry if TMI) our love life has suffered horribly. The sleep specialist said we would suddenly stop wanting to sleep all the time, and without even trying we would both probably start dropping a lot of weight because our bodies are working more efficiently and have more energy to burn off the weight. Given our newly rested selves, it's probably safe to assume (especially as evidenced by this morning's gung ho start) that most of our other "energy" issues will come around and life will get much better. JUST IN TIME FOR BABY!!! LOL. In addition, because these respiratory episodes have such a huge impact on B's heart, his endurance should improve (B was never able to get up to the full on run of a 5K back when we were training because his heart and lungs just wouldn't let him, no matter how diligently he trained) and he'll be able to get back into the shape he wants to be in.
I can tell he's very happy this morning. I am too. Not only do I feel a MILLION times better after our sleep last night, my husband is all bright and rested. The bags are already nearly gone from under his eyes, he woke up fresh and chatty, and he really feels good. This is great, and the timing couldn't be better. I think baby would have SUNK us if we hadn't rushed to get this CPAP before the birth. I told B he had to do it because we were going to be losing sleep with baby, and with our poor quality of sleep to begin with, neither of us would be able to function at all. I have renewed hope.
What a fun new toy. If you are or sleep with a snorer...get a sleep study. This is changing our whole life! All that's left now is to learn more about these pollips, their risks, and what they mean for his overall health. We'll get there.
Your well-rested and loyal reporter,
Megz
PS: Another tip, put a damn humidifier in your room. We learned from the sleep guy that breathing dry air causes your nasal passages to swell shut, and it can take days for them to open completely again.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Because I should share...
My friend Eshell and I were back and forthing on an e mail and she even went so far as to post this in her blog. It's about my decision to be a stay at home mom, and why I want to be a stay at home mom. In case anyone ever wondered why I chose this, coming from the mixed background I came from see the bolded portion. But this is what works for me and my family. :-)
I don't condemn working women at all, but I think that in these days when the women's rights movement has given us the freedom of choice, what it has really done is made women believe they are lesser if they do not work and choose to stay home to raise a happy healthy family. I firmly believe that it was meant to be this way, that women were meant to be home caring for their children and husbands. We're made to do it right? :-) I get flack about staying home, but it's what I've always wanted to do. Which is remarkable considering no one in my surrounding family has ever stayed home, has ever breastfed, has ever cloth diapered. I came about this perspective because it feels right, it's so natural. Will I work again? Yeah, sure, I plan to become a CPM, but in the mean time, the most important work I have to do is to raise my children, oversee their spiritual and intellectual growth, and care for my husband and home. I cringe when I hear women say "well I have a real job." In all actuality, is there a job more real than being a mother? Is there a job that has more impact on our world? Is there a job so demanding, sometimes thankless, and so rewarding? No. I know that circumstances put people in these situations, but I hear so much from them that I don't have a real job. I wish all women had this choice. Baris and I planned very carefully so that we could do this for our family. This is what I wanted to be when 'i grew up.' My mother made poor choices, and a big part of me wants to make up for those choices as I raise my children. I want them to know security and safety like I never did. I want them to feel like it's normal to sit down to the dinner table every night. I don't want them home alone and scared, or in a daycare all day with all sorts of weird influences that I may or may not approve of. I should be responsible for their personal growth, not a stranger paid minimum wage to keep the diapers clean every two hours.
Not attacking or condemning, just understand it's what feels right for our family. And that's how I'm going to raise my family and run my home. I'm going to do things that are right for OUR family. Just cuz it's right for me doesn't mean it's right for you, and it doesn't mean I'm judging you or your choices.
I don't condemn working women at all, but I think that in these days when the women's rights movement has given us the freedom of choice, what it has really done is made women believe they are lesser if they do not work and choose to stay home to raise a happy healthy family. I firmly believe that it was meant to be this way, that women were meant to be home caring for their children and husbands. We're made to do it right? :-) I get flack about staying home, but it's what I've always wanted to do. Which is remarkable considering no one in my surrounding family has ever stayed home, has ever breastfed, has ever cloth diapered. I came about this perspective because it feels right, it's so natural. Will I work again? Yeah, sure, I plan to become a CPM, but in the mean time, the most important work I have to do is to raise my children, oversee their spiritual and intellectual growth, and care for my husband and home. I cringe when I hear women say "well I have a real job." In all actuality, is there a job more real than being a mother? Is there a job that has more impact on our world? Is there a job so demanding, sometimes thankless, and so rewarding? No. I know that circumstances put people in these situations, but I hear so much from them that I don't have a real job. I wish all women had this choice. Baris and I planned very carefully so that we could do this for our family. This is what I wanted to be when 'i grew up.' My mother made poor choices, and a big part of me wants to make up for those choices as I raise my children. I want them to know security and safety like I never did. I want them to feel like it's normal to sit down to the dinner table every night. I don't want them home alone and scared, or in a daycare all day with all sorts of weird influences that I may or may not approve of. I should be responsible for their personal growth, not a stranger paid minimum wage to keep the diapers clean every two hours.
Not attacking or condemning, just understand it's what feels right for our family. And that's how I'm going to raise my family and run my home. I'm going to do things that are right for OUR family. Just cuz it's right for me doesn't mean it's right for you, and it doesn't mean I'm judging you or your choices.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Just some election thoughts from brother Tom
I am sharing my brother's post election e-book, as he calls it, because he's far more talented at putting thoughts together intelligently. I voted for Obama. Yeah, I said it. Even though a lot of me does not agree with the democratic party's policies, I knew some kind of change needed to come and this was a good bet. Love me or hate me, I think the voter turnout speaks volumes to the need that the American people have for some kind of change. I never fear the next four years after an election, regardless of the outcome. It is simply another opportunity. Brother Tom's thoughts below are clear, concise, and made me feel a little better about my choice to vote for Obama. Regardless of who you are, what your beliefs are, and who you voted for, it's time to get over the partisan crap and get busy. This is our country, we showed up to vote, and a landslide majority of us chose Obama. That's gotta say something right? So we should support our president elect and our fellow Americans, because we all need to take responsibility for the direction our country is going in. I do not believe that there is a right or wrong way, just different ways.
Oh, If you didn't vote, you don't have a right to bitch or even offer your input, you are not a full member of this society if you cannot perform that simple civic duty once every couple of years. It's your responsibility.
I italicized a portion of Tom's e mail that really spoke to me. This isn't about partisan bashing, or right and wrong. This is truly about making a better country for ourselves and future generations.
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Hi Family Folk, happy post election day!!
Well, in 2008, we call what happened last night a 'beat down'. And if the 00' and 04' elections, as close as they were, were wide enough margins for a "mandate", then we have what should be known as a "super mandate" from the people of America this time around. While I understand that some of us believe this direction is a mistake, let me offer my two cents as to how you know it is not and that the will of the collective will always eventually trump our individual ideals and selfishness, because it is born out of equality and freedom and not strict ideals and greed. Ideals and greed have always lost in every major civilization in the world's history and as long as people can think for themselves, that will never change.
What do I mean by ideals and greed? Well, something dawned on me in this election cycle that I never had the presence to wake up and realize until now, and that is the fact that as a young republican, I was always thinking of myself first... how policy would affect my business, my finances and 'my enjoyment' of life. My greed was evident and my ideals were... well to be frank, only concerned with me... which is a very pervasive concept in our society. After 9/11, I was ready, like many, to jump to conclusions and bomb anyone who looked at us funny. And I actually believed that terrorists were scary and something more extreme than we've had in the past to worry about, and I actually questioned the Muslim faith... for a short period. Well now, I see that the way I did and most republicans do make decisions is on strict fundamental ideals and old ones at that, that only apply to them. The irony being that those ideals affect others who don't share them, like myself. Rather than belabor the point, I'll sum it up with one comment that I'll never forget, coming from a good friend a few years ago... I asked her about her political preferences and she responded "I'm a democrat, but I'm republican when it comes to money". It took me a full decade after that statement, though it stuck with me, for me to actually accept that this view was also my silly view and that it could also apply to religion, our society, and different beliefs about specific policies like the drug war, death penalty and abortion. The point is that making that analysis and decision is 100% selfish. The problem with this type of selfish thinking and all other forms of strict interpretation is that it always, I repeat, ALWAYS, stifles the freedoms of others who don't share that same view. And what I realized, a now declared independent, once staunch republican and now proud supporter of Obama, is that the Republicans are always pushing an agenda of fear, separation and dirty politics without any regard for the fact they are excluding half the nation, and in this election we saw first hand just about every night, lie after lie, with no shame about their efforts. While on the other side and in the middle the Democrats and Independents are constantly fighting for equality and freedom and to get out from under the stifling policies of the current Republican party. Republicans say let the free market fix everything... that's funny... because what they are really saying is "everyone for themselves". Which is precisely why the republicans want less regulation of the financial markets, so that the rich can keep getting richer and the poor can keep struggling... because again, they aren't concerned with anyone who doesn't share their ideals and greed. It bears mentioning that the Republicans didn't always use to be like this and in fact, it was refreshing to finally here some pundits talk about the truth about some of Obama's policies, lowering taxes and foreign policy statements and liken them to being moderate and conservative. I was pulling my hair out at the repeated lies about Obama's conservative principles and that type of politics, blatant lies, has stained the republican party in my eyes. And all the talk of Socialism and those fear tactics was deplorable. If Obama's moderate platform he ran on is Socialist, then under that rational we've been a communist country ever since putting in a progressive income tax system, "social" security, and medicare. Gimme a break!
In all honesty, the real reason I wrote this email is not to simply bash republicans, but to congratulate those who voted for Obama and extend an open hand to those that didn't. I could really care less about the two parties or their future, it's just easiest to paraphrase views into the two different camps. The future of our country will depend on the resolution of issues, not the see-saw back and forth of "my way, your way", which never solves the problem and keeps us as a country yo-yo'ing back and forth. Let's get together, solve some problems on major issues and get on with it. I don't know about you all, but I'm sick and tired of wars, taxes, division and greed at the expense of the rest of us. Hey, I want financial independence like the next guy, but I also don't like to look around me and see that I'm doing ok and getting by while many are not. That's not the type of country I want to leave to the next generation. Right now, we have a rare opportunity because of the majority in the House and Senate to finally make some real change. If we squander this opportunity because of tightly held ideals, the future will get worse, no two ways about it, because eventually there will be another civil war and families will be split because of it. So we can be known as the generation that wouldn't budge off of extremely bent ideals or the one who turned the corner by coming together, that is our legacy. We've made a big first step already in turning the corner, by electing an African-American president, though to those of us who don't judge by the color of skin, we elected probably the only candidate of this character we will see in our lifetime, a once in a generation candidate. And the fact that he's black helps it to maximize the force of change for all minorities, including poor white trash. :-D I'm serious, but joking also.
So here's a hit list of the key issues, in my mind, that need bi-partisan resolution and actually are ripe for us coming together. And if you have a hard time accepting one view, then look at it this way... what would you give up to get? In other words, what policy stance would you bend on or compromise on in order to get another one in your favor? Compromise is the operative word here. And I've broken things down into 3 easy categories. =-O
1) FINANCE - two key issues, one of which Obama is addressing for the short term, TAXES and THE FED. Taxes definitely need to be lowered for the middle class, screw corporate America. This should be the issue we can all agree on and make sweeping change, and it's the most important, and it affects our society and economy like no other. All tax cuts to companies that make record profits need to disappear, first of all. McCain really missed the boat on this one, big time. Record profits and he wants to give the oil companies more breaks?? The real solution to these issues is to go to the FAIR TAX and get rid of the FED altogether. We don't need to pay a private banker interest to be the middle man in our monetary system, this is a fraud and has been since it was instituted with the help of the private bankers in the early part of the century. And the FAIR TAX is just that, it places a tax on consumption and doesn't double dip the way our current progressive mafia style tax system does now. Can't we all get along on this one?? :-)
2) FOREIGN POLICY - well, I voted for Bush in 00' because he ran on a non-interventionist policy.. in other words, he lied to us. We don't need military bases around the world, I don't care what the neo-cons say, a few strategic bases to augment our allies is adequate, especially in a time of depression, but reality is that the world is smaller, different and manpower assets are changing from human to machine, so get our soldiers home. Can't we all get along on this one too?? or is it imperative to go around the world exerting our will unilaterally and ruining our reputation fighting some stupid antiquated 'holy war'?
3) STATE ISSUES - death penalty, abortion, drug war... all should be state issues, yet the federal government meddles in all of this... so again, who's the socialist leaning party?? The democrat stance on these says these are state issues, yet the republican stance says two of the three are federal issues, sort of ... hmmmm... and two of the three, abortion and the drug war are personal freedom issues that no government should have any say in, ironically that's where the fed meddles the most right now... the irony here is that the drug war is been waged on a lie ever since it began and the death penalty and abortion create contradictions on each side. The democrats generally are against the death penalty but for abortion... okay, so they are against killing murderers, but for killing babies... and republicans are for killing murderers and against killing babies. Well, at first glance it seems the republicans have those two issues won, as I used to think. I also used to believe that they were both wrong on these issues because of these contradictions in belief about life and death, meaning shouldn't we be for life or against it, was the question I asked myself. Is is really that simple. In my mind, for the most part, yes.. it's as simple as saying, "do I believe in life or death", because whatever we believe pervades our culture and affects other policies and beliefs. A culture of life would mean murderers would avoid the death penalty... which I have to admit was the hardest part of this decision for me to manage in my mind and heart... but we do talk about rehabilitation, don't we?? And part of what made me think about this differently is that I have a good friend who is serving a life sentence in Virginia for killing his girlfriend 14 years ago. He was one of my best friends and he was not a violent person, but for some reason, that night, he made an incredible mistake. I could never vote for him to be executed and I know that he is already or can be rehabilitated. And I know that he's a good person. On the issue of abortion, it was actually much simpler. I'm pro-life, but this is a decision for the mother and father of the child to make and if one trumps the other, it's the mother obviously. I think we should encourage pro-life alternatives to dealing with pregnancy, but we should not make abortion illegal as an option to deal with any number of circumstances such as rape, incest, disease and even something as simple as radiation from doctor visits. So a strict abortion policy mandated at the federal level is anything but a solution.
These state issues as I call them are the ones that seem to throw people up in arms the most, and understandably, but isn't that the reason they need to be on the state level and decided respectively? Again, can't we get along on this, minimally agreeing to them being state issues?? That way if you really feel so strongly about something you can move to a state and sub-culture that share your beliefs. And the country can be level headed in it's approach to offering up solutions to all Americans, not just the Republicans, neo-cons, redneck racists and religious fundamentalists in America.
1, 2, 3, can it be that simple?? If we humble ourselves and think about someone else besides ourself... "YES, WE CAN". (Trust me, I was a pretty selfish bastard with the full blinders on and I've managed to mature my views to be about something beyond just me, so anyone of us can, even you die-hard republicans!! :-[ )
Happy Post Election Day!
Tom
Oh, If you didn't vote, you don't have a right to bitch or even offer your input, you are not a full member of this society if you cannot perform that simple civic duty once every couple of years. It's your responsibility.
I italicized a portion of Tom's e mail that really spoke to me. This isn't about partisan bashing, or right and wrong. This is truly about making a better country for ourselves and future generations.
----
Hi Family Folk, happy post election day!!
Well, in 2008, we call what happened last night a 'beat down'. And if the 00' and 04' elections, as close as they were, were wide enough margins for a "mandate", then we have what should be known as a "super mandate" from the people of America this time around. While I understand that some of us believe this direction is a mistake, let me offer my two cents as to how you know it is not and that the will of the collective will always eventually trump our individual ideals and selfishness, because it is born out of equality and freedom and not strict ideals and greed. Ideals and greed have always lost in every major civilization in the world's history and as long as people can think for themselves, that will never change.
What do I mean by ideals and greed? Well, something dawned on me in this election cycle that I never had the presence to wake up and realize until now, and that is the fact that as a young republican, I was always thinking of myself first... how policy would affect my business, my finances and 'my enjoyment' of life. My greed was evident and my ideals were... well to be frank, only concerned with me... which is a very pervasive concept in our society. After 9/11, I was ready, like many, to jump to conclusions and bomb anyone who looked at us funny. And I actually believed that terrorists were scary and something more extreme than we've had in the past to worry about, and I actually questioned the Muslim faith... for a short period. Well now, I see that the way I did and most republicans do make decisions is on strict fundamental ideals and old ones at that, that only apply to them. The irony being that those ideals affect others who don't share them, like myself. Rather than belabor the point, I'll sum it up with one comment that I'll never forget, coming from a good friend a few years ago... I asked her about her political preferences and she responded "I'm a democrat, but I'm republican when it comes to money". It took me a full decade after that statement, though it stuck with me, for me to actually accept that this view was also my silly view and that it could also apply to religion, our society, and different beliefs about specific policies like the drug war, death penalty and abortion. The point is that making that analysis and decision is 100% selfish. The problem with this type of selfish thinking and all other forms of strict interpretation is that it always, I repeat, ALWAYS, stifles the freedoms of others who don't share that same view. And what I realized, a now declared independent, once staunch republican and now proud supporter of Obama, is that the Republicans are always pushing an agenda of fear, separation and dirty politics without any regard for the fact they are excluding half the nation, and in this election we saw first hand just about every night, lie after lie, with no shame about their efforts. While on the other side and in the middle the Democrats and Independents are constantly fighting for equality and freedom and to get out from under the stifling policies of the current Republican party. Republicans say let the free market fix everything... that's funny... because what they are really saying is "everyone for themselves". Which is precisely why the republicans want less regulation of the financial markets, so that the rich can keep getting richer and the poor can keep struggling... because again, they aren't concerned with anyone who doesn't share their ideals and greed. It bears mentioning that the Republicans didn't always use to be like this and in fact, it was refreshing to finally here some pundits talk about the truth about some of Obama's policies, lowering taxes and foreign policy statements and liken them to being moderate and conservative. I was pulling my hair out at the repeated lies about Obama's conservative principles and that type of politics, blatant lies, has stained the republican party in my eyes. And all the talk of Socialism and those fear tactics was deplorable. If Obama's moderate platform he ran on is Socialist, then under that rational we've been a communist country ever since putting in a progressive income tax system, "social" security, and medicare. Gimme a break!
In all honesty, the real reason I wrote this email is not to simply bash republicans, but to congratulate those who voted for Obama and extend an open hand to those that didn't. I could really care less about the two parties or their future, it's just easiest to paraphrase views into the two different camps. The future of our country will depend on the resolution of issues, not the see-saw back and forth of "my way, your way", which never solves the problem and keeps us as a country yo-yo'ing back and forth. Let's get together, solve some problems on major issues and get on with it. I don't know about you all, but I'm sick and tired of wars, taxes, division and greed at the expense of the rest of us. Hey, I want financial independence like the next guy, but I also don't like to look around me and see that I'm doing ok and getting by while many are not. That's not the type of country I want to leave to the next generation. Right now, we have a rare opportunity because of the majority in the House and Senate to finally make some real change. If we squander this opportunity because of tightly held ideals, the future will get worse, no two ways about it, because eventually there will be another civil war and families will be split because of it. So we can be known as the generation that wouldn't budge off of extremely bent ideals or the one who turned the corner by coming together, that is our legacy. We've made a big first step already in turning the corner, by electing an African-American president, though to those of us who don't judge by the color of skin, we elected probably the only candidate of this character we will see in our lifetime, a once in a generation candidate. And the fact that he's black helps it to maximize the force of change for all minorities, including poor white trash. :-D I'm serious, but joking also.
So here's a hit list of the key issues, in my mind, that need bi-partisan resolution and actually are ripe for us coming together. And if you have a hard time accepting one view, then look at it this way... what would you give up to get? In other words, what policy stance would you bend on or compromise on in order to get another one in your favor? Compromise is the operative word here. And I've broken things down into 3 easy categories. =-O
1) FINANCE - two key issues, one of which Obama is addressing for the short term, TAXES and THE FED. Taxes definitely need to be lowered for the middle class, screw corporate America. This should be the issue we can all agree on and make sweeping change, and it's the most important, and it affects our society and economy like no other. All tax cuts to companies that make record profits need to disappear, first of all. McCain really missed the boat on this one, big time. Record profits and he wants to give the oil companies more breaks?? The real solution to these issues is to go to the FAIR TAX and get rid of the FED altogether. We don't need to pay a private banker interest to be the middle man in our monetary system, this is a fraud and has been since it was instituted with the help of the private bankers in the early part of the century. And the FAIR TAX is just that, it places a tax on consumption and doesn't double dip the way our current progressive mafia style tax system does now. Can't we all get along on this one?? :-)
2) FOREIGN POLICY - well, I voted for Bush in 00' because he ran on a non-interventionist policy.. in other words, he lied to us. We don't need military bases around the world, I don't care what the neo-cons say, a few strategic bases to augment our allies is adequate, especially in a time of depression, but reality is that the world is smaller, different and manpower assets are changing from human to machine, so get our soldiers home. Can't we all get along on this one too?? or is it imperative to go around the world exerting our will unilaterally and ruining our reputation fighting some stupid antiquated 'holy war'?
3) STATE ISSUES - death penalty, abortion, drug war... all should be state issues, yet the federal government meddles in all of this... so again, who's the socialist leaning party?? The democrat stance on these says these are state issues, yet the republican stance says two of the three are federal issues, sort of ... hmmmm... and two of the three, abortion and the drug war are personal freedom issues that no government should have any say in, ironically that's where the fed meddles the most right now... the irony here is that the drug war is been waged on a lie ever since it began and the death penalty and abortion create contradictions on each side. The democrats generally are against the death penalty but for abortion... okay, so they are against killing murderers, but for killing babies... and republicans are for killing murderers and against killing babies. Well, at first glance it seems the republicans have those two issues won, as I used to think. I also used to believe that they were both wrong on these issues because of these contradictions in belief about life and death, meaning shouldn't we be for life or against it, was the question I asked myself. Is is really that simple. In my mind, for the most part, yes.. it's as simple as saying, "do I believe in life or death", because whatever we believe pervades our culture and affects other policies and beliefs. A culture of life would mean murderers would avoid the death penalty... which I have to admit was the hardest part of this decision for me to manage in my mind and heart... but we do talk about rehabilitation, don't we?? And part of what made me think about this differently is that I have a good friend who is serving a life sentence in Virginia for killing his girlfriend 14 years ago. He was one of my best friends and he was not a violent person, but for some reason, that night, he made an incredible mistake. I could never vote for him to be executed and I know that he is already or can be rehabilitated. And I know that he's a good person. On the issue of abortion, it was actually much simpler. I'm pro-life, but this is a decision for the mother and father of the child to make and if one trumps the other, it's the mother obviously. I think we should encourage pro-life alternatives to dealing with pregnancy, but we should not make abortion illegal as an option to deal with any number of circumstances such as rape, incest, disease and even something as simple as radiation from doctor visits. So a strict abortion policy mandated at the federal level is anything but a solution.
These state issues as I call them are the ones that seem to throw people up in arms the most, and understandably, but isn't that the reason they need to be on the state level and decided respectively? Again, can't we get along on this, minimally agreeing to them being state issues?? That way if you really feel so strongly about something you can move to a state and sub-culture that share your beliefs. And the country can be level headed in it's approach to offering up solutions to all Americans, not just the Republicans, neo-cons, redneck racists and religious fundamentalists in America.
1, 2, 3, can it be that simple?? If we humble ourselves and think about someone else besides ourself... "YES, WE CAN". (Trust me, I was a pretty selfish bastard with the full blinders on and I've managed to mature my views to be about something beyond just me, so anyone of us can, even you die-hard republicans!! :-[ )
Happy Post Election Day!
Tom
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