My friend Eshell and I were back and forthing on an e mail and she even went so far as to post this in her blog. It's about my decision to be a stay at home mom, and why I want to be a stay at home mom. In case anyone ever wondered why I chose this, coming from the mixed background I came from see the bolded portion. But this is what works for me and my family. :-)
I don't condemn working women at all, but I think that in these days when the women's rights movement has given us the freedom of choice, what it has really done is made women believe they are lesser if they do not work and choose to stay home to raise a happy healthy family. I firmly believe that it was meant to be this way, that women were meant to be home caring for their children and husbands. We're made to do it right? :-) I get flack about staying home, but it's what I've always wanted to do. Which is remarkable considering no one in my surrounding family has ever stayed home, has ever breastfed, has ever cloth diapered. I came about this perspective because it feels right, it's so natural. Will I work again? Yeah, sure, I plan to become a CPM, but in the mean time, the most important work I have to do is to raise my children, oversee their spiritual and intellectual growth, and care for my husband and home. I cringe when I hear women say "well I have a real job." In all actuality, is there a job more real than being a mother? Is there a job that has more impact on our world? Is there a job so demanding, sometimes thankless, and so rewarding? No. I know that circumstances put people in these situations, but I hear so much from them that I don't have a real job. I wish all women had this choice. Baris and I planned very carefully so that we could do this for our family. This is what I wanted to be when 'i grew up.' My mother made poor choices, and a big part of me wants to make up for those choices as I raise my children. I want them to know security and safety like I never did. I want them to feel like it's normal to sit down to the dinner table every night. I don't want them home alone and scared, or in a daycare all day with all sorts of weird influences that I may or may not approve of. I should be responsible for their personal growth, not a stranger paid minimum wage to keep the diapers clean every two hours.
Not attacking or condemning, just understand it's what feels right for our family. And that's how I'm going to raise my family and run my home. I'm going to do things that are right for OUR family. Just cuz it's right for me doesn't mean it's right for you, and it doesn't mean I'm judging you or your choices.
3 comments:
Megz, I couldn't agree more. It's my dream to be a SAHM (and someday a CPM when the kids are grown a bit). My husband is getting an education so he can provide for our family. He feels just as compelled to provide as I do to play house. Call it tradition, divine ordination or innate gender identity or what have you, but for us, we chalk it up to compatibility and personality style. We're not all meant to live our lives like a '50s sitcom, and millions of families have no desire to. You've got to find what speaks to you, what motivates you, what makes you the best YOU you can be, and seek that out. You'll find happiness and fulfillment if you nurture those dreams within yourself--no matter which direction those dreams take you--and you'll enrich others' lives immeasurably by your own happiness, in the long run.
One thing I love about the women's lib movement is that modern women are free to choose--and free to DO--what works best for them (and their families, if they have them). It's not about devaluing motherhood or rejecting femininity, rather celebrating each person's strengths and individuality. I'm sure a lot of men would be happier as "house-husbands" or SAHDs if our society looked on it more graciously. (I see that as an extension of women's lib, too. I'm more of a "humanist" than a "feminist," I guess.) So, if a woman craves a career, why stop her? If a man is drawn to so-called traditional "woman's work" (ugh, I hate that term. just using it to make a point), then why can't he go for it?
I guess you and I are lucky that we each have balance in our chosen partnerships and nobody feels relegated to waste away in some unchosen role they're obligated to fulfill, just because of the chromosomes they were dealt.
I'm just full of run-on sentences, but it's a great time to be alive. :)
oh, and p.s. I thought the title of this post might reveal that you were going to share that you're in labor.
A girl can dream... ;)
ouch! I was a daycare provider and treated those children as if they were my own....
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