As today is the first day of 2009, I wanted to look back with a grateful heart on 2008. So many blessings came our way last year, and we have so much to be thankful for.
January: We had an odd but eventually wonderful vacation in Florida that subsequently led to the infamous 5 month “bug scare” that many of you know about. I was able to spend my entire vacation with my best friend of 16 years, we cried tears of joy together, tears of hearty laughter, and sad tears of goodbye. Candace is a friend who I never had a sleep over with until we were in our teens…but we are soul mates. In fact, I determined over the course of the vacation that she and my husband are almost the same person…funny how life works out.
I set my mind to doula work in January, completed my training, and quickly began my work on the side.
B and I looked out to 2008 as the year we would possibly conceive our first child. We were hopeful and joyful as we set out.
February: The bug scare continues, the event put a tremendous strain on our marriage, but this month, we would conceive. J At the end of the month, the same day I attend my first birth as a doula, I find out I’m pregnant. What a wonderful day. That first birth was so empowering for me, Amanda was my glimmer of hope throughout my pregnancy…that despite the medical community chastising me for my weight, I could have a wonderful, beautiful, normal birth. I knew that day that I had made the right decision becoming a doula, I not only witnessed a miracle, I participated in it.
March: We are full of joy and hope for our new baby. Anxiously awaiting the sound of the heartbeat and dreaming about the miracle we are expecting. I feel so blessed, I remember crying on the phone with my family when I told them I was expecting our first child. This baby would be the only nibbling, the only grandchild, and my family is ecstatic, as are my in-laws.
April: Work is kicking my butt, I’m traveling, have developed motion sickness when flying, and I’m working long hard days. But I do get to make a trip home to visit family and friends. We get to hear the heartbeat, and I’m instantly addicted…I wanted to buy a Doppler so I could hear it every day. I remember worrying endlessly those first months, since the baby was still too small for me to feel it move, the only way I knew he was OK was when I heard his heart beat at my midwife appointment. I attend my second and third births as a doula, I am increasingly excited about the end of the year when I will be able to leave my office job and be a mother and a doula. Both births taught me so much, women are so different in their needs and wants. This month I also secured my doula, who would be my saving grace during Aiden’s birth. She was definitely the right doula for me. She continues to be a mentor and a friend and I’m blessed to have her in my life.
May: Work continues, I am free from business trips for the month of May so I could be available for my friend’s birth. I was blessed to attend my best friend’s birth of her little girl. A scary and beautiful time for me, I grew as a doula in so many ways following the c/s and learned so much. I’m so grateful I could be there for her, and only wish I could have done something to make the ordeal a little less frightening for her and her fiancé.
June: The final work trips wrap up this month, gratefully. I’m looking forward to the u/s at the end of the month. At 18 weeks we have our u/s, and there it was…proof! It was so moving to see the baby there on the screen. But we have a mule-headed baby, of course, so it took two more u/s to determine that we were having a boy. We are both so grateful that the baby is healthy, normal, and strong. What a huge blessing. We spend most of the month preparing for B’s long trip to Turkey, and we’re both dreading the time apart. When he leaves I’m still not showing, and we don’t yet know the sex of the baby. By the end of the month, I’ve lost 20 pounds since the start of my pregnancy, and my energy has returned. I’m grateful every day for my smooth and healthy pregnancy.
July: I spend a chilly 4th of July camping with a friend and her kids. I’m reminded how much I miss Virginia as I SHIVER on an air mattress in the middle of summer. This month we finally find out we’re having a boy, and I have to pass a message to B in Turkey where he is still in boot camp that he’ll be getting a son. The waiting was killing me. I was delighted to send B pictures of my newly growing belly, and send him news of the baby kicking hard enough that I could see. When B returns he spends days just loving my belly. What a long, lonely month for me.
August: We both go home to Virginia TOGETHER for the first time since we moved to Minnesota 4 years ago. Grateful for the points I earned during my arduous business travel, we are able to stay in a hotel for most of our trip. I was so blessed to have a baby shower while I was home, I got to see so many great friends and was reminded how much I miss home. My sisters tell me again and again that when I was a little girl I always said I wanted to be a mommy, and they are both so excited I’m finally going to be one. Flying while 6 months pregnant has it’s down sides, it was tiring, but the trip was worth it. B was able to spend some good time with my brother-in-laws and was able to visit with his best friend from Turkey who came down from New Jersey. It was a wonderful trip.
September: The waiting begins, we have little going on between the baby shower and Aiden’s due date. We spend a great deal of time feeling him wiggle and enjoying the pregnancy. We are also doing a lot of preparation for his arrival. I am doula-ing for a great woman, who was to be my last birth before Aiden was born. Sadly after a great deal of time invested in her pregnancy, she did not call me for the birth or postpartum. I was hoping for a normal birth before Aiden’s birth to renew my faith in birth after the emergency c/s in May. So I was greatly disappointed that this mom decided she did not want/need a doula for her birth.
October: I’m blessed to be called to be a back up doula for a colleague. I am so empowered by this mother’s strong laboring, her partner’s wonderful support, and the MW staff at the hospital. They never cease to amaze me. Sadly this birth also ended in an emergency c/s…a real blow to me at 7.5 months pregnant. I was scared, but so proud of mom’s strength and her partner’s emotion. That little girl was born happy and healthy. But again, I walk away scared. I put together Aiden’s hospital bag this month. Periodically changing out the items in it…I’m so antsy and excited to meet him. I’ve been doing yoga and exercising regularly, and am still under my pre-pregnancy weight this month. I dream of the birth, of breastfeeding, and of our new family every night. Baris is excited but anxious and is grateful that we took the childbirth education class. We are both very pleased with the class and with the hospital we have chosen. B’s promotion is complete, he’s now a Master Black Belt, and I’m so endlessly proud of him and how hard he’s worked for our family in the last 4 years. My contractor (replacement) starts with me mid month so I can train her in before I go on leave. I walk out of the office on October 31st feeling bright and happy. I’m finally ON the path I’ve always wanted to be on. I’m going to be a stay at home mom and a doula. My life is so full, and I’m so in love.
November: I cannot express how anxiously we awaited Aiden’s arrival. I spent the first few weeks just putzing around the house. Cleaning, resting, and cooking in preparation for Aiden. I was discouraged when his due date passed and I showed no progress. But as we all know I went from no progress to baby in just 5 days. Aiden’s birth was healing and empowering for me. What an amazing experience. My husband was a rock for me, though he admits later he was terrified at points and so grateful for our amazing doula. The midwife was so amazing, and I recommend the practice she is with to any woman who is interested. I feel reborn, renewed, and forgiven after his birth. I am embarking now on the greatest trial, journey, and blessing of my life. My past mistakes no longer matter. What matters is what I give to Aiden, and how I bring my family up. I feel strong, and I come home to messages of well wishes, joy, and hope from family and friends. A friend and colleague tells me “welcome home, warrior mamma,” and those words lift me up. My doula is strong and positive, telling me how awesome I was, and how beautiful my baby is. I have never in my life felt so beautiful, so strong, or so awesome. Each day I wake to his tiny features, and am in love with my husband more and more, grateful that he should choose me for this awe inspiring task. During the birth I asked my doula “who’s hero am I anyway” as I reached transition and wanted to give up. In the weeks following his birth I know that I am Aiden’s hero. I am my husband’s hero, I am my own hero. In addition my birth has made me a hero to a woman I’ve never met. I am teary eyed and emotional even now as I type this out. I am reminded of how strengthened and amazed I was by Amanda’s birth. I will never forget her, and now I know how I can affect other women by telling my story. My family visits for Thanksgiving and I am so proud to show off my beautiful son. I find that my bond with my oldest sister is so much stronger now, and I’m so touched by the things she says to me while she’s here. I’m shocked by how easy breastfeeding comes to me, what a pleasant surprise. I pat myself on the back daily for the good I’m doing for my little boy.
December: Our first full month as parents. We both feel incredibly rested and satisfied. We never have that sense of chaos. We are disappointed by the lay-offs just before the holidays at work. We get bad news about B’s MBA program being postponed, but we are looking forward to making the best out of a rotten situation. We could get to move back home in 2009. Aiden grows strong and fast, weighing in at over 10lbs by one month. We both get a terrible cold and a blessing comes our way in the form of my youngest older sister. Aiden gets on the mend, and we again feel confident as parents, we have passed this test. I stay sick much much longer. Aiden and I are anxiously awaiting the arrival of my friend and coworker’s baby girl, who will be Aiden’s girlfriend! I pseudo-doula Laura at the end of her pregnancy as best I can, Ava is born December 31st at 3:48pm. I am so rocked by the miracle of birth, the strength of women, and the magic of babies. I finish out the month sicker than I was when Aiden was sick, not sure if the antibiotics are even working, but hopeful that I will be better before B goes back to work.
2009 is going to be awesome. I’m so ready to see Aiden grow, to throw myself into the doula work, to be a wife, mother, and friend. Each day Baris and I grow and learn as parents every day and become stronger as a married couple as a result. We are enjoying our every day with Aiden. We are looking forward to a trip to Turkey at the end of April, a visit from his parents in May, and a summer of fun with our little boy. I’m anxiously awaiting a trip to Virginia with Aiden in March as well. We are hoping to also go spend some time in Florida and/or Texas with family close to the holidays next year.
I wish you all a wonderful new year, I hope that 2009 is full of joy and learning for you as 2008 was for me. I cannot believe it has been almost 2 years since my knee injury. I’m sharing my goal here so I will be accountable…I’m planning to start training again for a 5K, like I was 2 years ago before the accident. Hopefully by August I can run with my friend in a 5K. Hopefully my knees will allow it!
Much love,
Meg
